I look forward to coming home and spending time with my family.
Just right now, I want to go back to school and just sit in my dorm room where I don't have to fucking worry whether my parents are actually going to split or not. Where I don't have to hear their arguments up in my room.
I'm canceling my plans for Wednesday and Thursday, just to make sure that my mom is okay.
... I'm looking forward to that therapy session when I get back to school.
I've been home for less than a fucking week, and I already have to deal with this shit again.
...
Its eerily quiet in my house right now.
I either want out, or I just want to sit and cry while listening to the rain hit my windows and wind break branches.
That was incredibly emo.
I apologize.
...
nope, nevermind. The argument continues.
I can't escape from my room either because, to be perfectly honest, I'm terrified.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Laryngitis!
Anyways. I do sound different, I promise. XD
Thursday, December 8, 2011
An update.
So this week has been... interesting, to say the least.
On friday of last week, one of my fellow classmates got into a car accident around 2 AM (Saturday) and passed away. I didn't find out until much later that day (while I was working), and I was in complete shock about the entire thing. I didn't want to believe it.
I... wish I had known him better. From what I knew (because he was in a couple of my classes), he was an AMAZING musician and person in general. He might have been quiet, but his presence lit up the room.
To see everyone so upset is so touching; to see an entire community so divided before suddenly become connected in ways you cannot imagine is amazing. I spent monday and tuesday of this week really depressed because of the whole thing... it has gotten to the point where I don't want to go to my 8 AM Flute Class tomorrow because he was in it. I spoke to him the morning he passed away. I was in awe how much he had improved on the flute, because a week before he couldn't make one note through it... and suddenly, while he was performing, there was a sound. He honest to god worked at everything he did. and it paid off. Regardless, I don't want to go to the class, because I know what will happen: I'll cry. He won't be there.
On tuesday, I was standing around in what we call Brass Alley here at Ithaca, and out of nowhere the old Tuba Professor was standing there talking to his old Tuba and Euphonium studio. It dawned on me then that he had posted a facebook status saying that he was going to come in to see his old studio... now, he was here teaching last year; he had an early retirement because his cancer came back, and he needed to get it removed and such. He taught the boy who died for two-three years.
What struck me then, as he walked away to meet the professor who was filling his spot, was that he, the professor, was not in good health. To have a student who was in perfect health and everything die before you... it must be such a sad feeling... and to not see him before he passed away for a couple of months... its just... its really sad.
I watched the professor stop in the middle of the hallway and lean up against a wall to rub his eyes and take a breather.
I cried.
I keep thinking that he is going to walk through those doors and be like, "Hey guys! I'm still here." and pick up his Euphonium and play with us in band. But I know that its not going to happen...
In his Honor, we played an arrangement of Amazing Grace (that I had part in) with our band (he was in it), and in Chorus, we are singing O Magnum Mysterium. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn5ken3RJBo ) YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO THAT IF YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS VERSION. It was his favorite piece... everyone was having such a hard time trying not to cry while performing these pieces.
We left his seat empty and sitting there in band.
I just want you all to be safe this holiday season. Don't make stupid decisions and think before you do something. Don't make long trips that you know you can't make after either a long day or alone. Just don't do it.
Scratch that.
Be safe whenever you are driving. I know you can't control the world around you and what happens there, but at least you yourself will be a safe driver.
On friday of last week, one of my fellow classmates got into a car accident around 2 AM (Saturday) and passed away. I didn't find out until much later that day (while I was working), and I was in complete shock about the entire thing. I didn't want to believe it.
I... wish I had known him better. From what I knew (because he was in a couple of my classes), he was an AMAZING musician and person in general. He might have been quiet, but his presence lit up the room.
To see everyone so upset is so touching; to see an entire community so divided before suddenly become connected in ways you cannot imagine is amazing. I spent monday and tuesday of this week really depressed because of the whole thing... it has gotten to the point where I don't want to go to my 8 AM Flute Class tomorrow because he was in it. I spoke to him the morning he passed away. I was in awe how much he had improved on the flute, because a week before he couldn't make one note through it... and suddenly, while he was performing, there was a sound. He honest to god worked at everything he did. and it paid off. Regardless, I don't want to go to the class, because I know what will happen: I'll cry. He won't be there.
On tuesday, I was standing around in what we call Brass Alley here at Ithaca, and out of nowhere the old Tuba Professor was standing there talking to his old Tuba and Euphonium studio. It dawned on me then that he had posted a facebook status saying that he was going to come in to see his old studio... now, he was here teaching last year; he had an early retirement because his cancer came back, and he needed to get it removed and such. He taught the boy who died for two-three years.
What struck me then, as he walked away to meet the professor who was filling his spot, was that he, the professor, was not in good health. To have a student who was in perfect health and everything die before you... it must be such a sad feeling... and to not see him before he passed away for a couple of months... its just... its really sad.
I watched the professor stop in the middle of the hallway and lean up against a wall to rub his eyes and take a breather.
I cried.
I keep thinking that he is going to walk through those doors and be like, "Hey guys! I'm still here." and pick up his Euphonium and play with us in band. But I know that its not going to happen...
In his Honor, we played an arrangement of Amazing Grace (that I had part in) with our band (he was in it), and in Chorus, we are singing O Magnum Mysterium. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn5ken3RJBo ) YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO THAT IF YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS VERSION. It was his favorite piece... everyone was having such a hard time trying not to cry while performing these pieces.
We left his seat empty and sitting there in band.
I just want you all to be safe this holiday season. Don't make stupid decisions and think before you do something. Don't make long trips that you know you can't make after either a long day or alone. Just don't do it.
Scratch that.
Be safe whenever you are driving. I know you can't control the world around you and what happens there, but at least you yourself will be a safe driver.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Haha, I have a blog, don't I?
I keep on neglecting to update my blog.
This is bad. Haha...
I didn't get the amount of artwork I wanted to get done over break. Oh well... I blame Assassin's Creed: Revelations. I bought it, and I had just a few hours to beat it, since my mom was upset that I bought a video game (claimed that I wouldn't "spend time with the family", so I was determined to beat it before the day of Thanksgiving... which did happen.) So many hours spent sitting on a couch, holding a Xbox 360 controller.
Anyways, I'm just going to briefly update this so I can go practice for another 30 minutes on my trombone.
Not like anyone reads this anyways. Ha.
... and I was reminded that I still have a 100 themes list going on. I should probably finish that.
Have I also mentioned how amazing Laser Printer paper is? And cardstock? So amazing. They're so smooth and nice to draw on... Ha. Haha... I'm going insane, I swear. I'm obsessed with paper and pens. Is that a bad thing?
I also managed to forget that I had a CAPS (the therapist) appointment today, and went to go practice instead. Stupid me... (/hits head). Oh well; I didn't get the voice message or phone call until it was too late to go to the appointment, so I sent them an apology email (since the phone number they gave me was incorrect ||D).
In the meantime, I'm going to go practice a little while longer, then go to my 4 PM class, and then... well, draw for a little while. Maybe I'll do some pictures for the 100 themes. I might change Atonement to a written theme though... because I'm having trouble coming up with a single picture idea. (Or perhaps I'll do a one page comic)...
And for those looking forward to the Bionicle Manga being brought back, I haz some questions:
1) I might switch it all to JUST digital. But it will still look like a sketch, maybe... would that be okay?
2) If I changed it to JUST the Beginnings story that I had posted on dA a looong time ago... would you all be upset? I feel odd doing a comic on the existing story line, where as I will have more freedom to move around with the Beginnings, since TECHNICALLY I wrote it, with Bionicle characters in it. =|
3) If you would like to color pages if I decide to do just B&W, would anyone like to color it? I'll give you the account to Tahu_Sensei (he's not a real person XD he was created to bitch at people bitching on my comic page).
I keep on meaning to post the next page for it, I think... I might do a 4-Koma first, and then get back to it. Maybe.
I STILL NEED TO DO PAGES FOR THE OTHER TWO COMICS. AUUUGH. XD
... anyways, back to practicing.
ONWARDS.
This is bad. Haha...
I didn't get the amount of artwork I wanted to get done over break. Oh well... I blame Assassin's Creed: Revelations. I bought it, and I had just a few hours to beat it, since my mom was upset that I bought a video game (claimed that I wouldn't "spend time with the family", so I was determined to beat it before the day of Thanksgiving... which did happen.) So many hours spent sitting on a couch, holding a Xbox 360 controller.
Anyways, I'm just going to briefly update this so I can go practice for another 30 minutes on my trombone.
Not like anyone reads this anyways. Ha.
... and I was reminded that I still have a 100 themes list going on. I should probably finish that.
Have I also mentioned how amazing Laser Printer paper is? And cardstock? So amazing. They're so smooth and nice to draw on... Ha. Haha... I'm going insane, I swear. I'm obsessed with paper and pens. Is that a bad thing?
I also managed to forget that I had a CAPS (the therapist) appointment today, and went to go practice instead. Stupid me... (/hits head). Oh well; I didn't get the voice message or phone call until it was too late to go to the appointment, so I sent them an apology email (since the phone number they gave me was incorrect ||D).
In the meantime, I'm going to go practice a little while longer, then go to my 4 PM class, and then... well, draw for a little while. Maybe I'll do some pictures for the 100 themes. I might change Atonement to a written theme though... because I'm having trouble coming up with a single picture idea. (Or perhaps I'll do a one page comic)...
And for those looking forward to the Bionicle Manga being brought back, I haz some questions:
1) I might switch it all to JUST digital. But it will still look like a sketch, maybe... would that be okay?
2) If I changed it to JUST the Beginnings story that I had posted on dA a looong time ago... would you all be upset? I feel odd doing a comic on the existing story line, where as I will have more freedom to move around with the Beginnings, since TECHNICALLY I wrote it, with Bionicle characters in it. =|
3) If you would like to color pages if I decide to do just B&W, would anyone like to color it? I'll give you the account to Tahu_Sensei (he's not a real person XD he was created to bitch at people bitching on my comic page).
I keep on meaning to post the next page for it, I think... I might do a 4-Koma first, and then get back to it. Maybe.
I STILL NEED TO DO PAGES FOR THE OTHER TWO COMICS. AUUUGH. XD
... anyways, back to practicing.
ONWARDS.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Before I go to bed for the night
I was really exhausted earlier tonight... and I think the caffeine from my coffee at 4 PM kicked in again.
So I have some stories to share, since I don't feel like signing onto Skype at the moment just to share my laughter.
1) How a Text Message can make your night great.
I was sitting on my bed reading a webcomic or something (I forget which), and my roommate had JUST gone to sleep. Usually at night, I turn my phone off silent so I can hear the alarm in the morning; usually people don't send me texts.
So I was relaxing when my phone goes off (quite loudly, mind you... which brings the question: why is the volume on max? >.>). Confused, I look at the text message and it reads... "<333" from one of the trombonists in my studio.
Needless to say, I was completely baffled (for multiple reasons). So I wasn't going to respond, but I figured that he probably sent that text to the wrong person... so I texted him back saying "J*****, you do realize you just sent me a text message with hearts in it... right?"
And I waited.... and for my sake, I will continue posting him as J and write the rest of the conversation in script format:
J: Yes. Yes I am. I'm sucking up to you
Me: ... what.
J: Have you committed your extra grab and go to anyone for tomorrow?
And at that point, I did a major facepalm and just LAUGHED. Grab and Go is a thing that our school does around lunchtime; one of the dining halls (from 10:30-4ish) has a system where students can go into a part of the dining hall to make a bagged lunch and eat anywhere on campus (lunches usually consist of Pizza/Sandwich/Wrap, two containers of Jello/Yogurt/Pudding/Pasta Salad/Couscous/etc, a soup, dessert, piece of fruit, and a drink), and you can grab anything you want and GO. Its a cool thing.
Because I have an unlimited meal plan, I can get two bagged lunches. Usually, before I leave the music school to grab my own lunch, I ask people from my studio if they would like me to grab them some food. It started with one person (who bought me outlining pens as a thank you), and the whole thing has almost spread through the entire studio XD
I've been called the "Mother Theresa of the Trombone Studio", which makes me giggle a bit. The original person who I was doing this for, ending up catching after I got my own lunch, so I gave him my cell number so he could text me in advance when he would like me to get him some food.
So today, I called J because one of my friends needed her car jumped (we got stuck quite a distance away from campus today XD We had something to do for one of our classes), so I guess he remembered that he had my cell number and decided to ask me to get him lunch. XD
So the conversation continues:
Me: Pffft, no not yet. Do you want me to get you lunch tomorrow?
J: <333333
I just found the entire thing hysterical.
Of course, then I remembered AFTER I told him I would get him some food that Grab and Go was closed tomorrow, since Thanksgiving Break starts tomorrow (aka, the Dining Hall workers are going off early).
So I felt bad for like... telling him that.
Its a good thing he laughed it off.
... can you guess why I was so confused by the hearts? (why yes, I did like him at some point. He's a very attractive person, and VERY tall. Its unfortunate that I'm not his type ;^; Oh well. There's other fish in the sea, right? ) I did find the whole thing funny though. I did seriously think though that he texted the wrong person at first XD
2) I nearly lost it in Band the other day.
We're playing this piece in band that has the trombonists (rather, the majority, if not ENTIRETY of the low brass section) sit out in SILENCE for 80 measures of rest in the beginning, and the close to 200 measures of rest RIGHT SMACKDAB in the middle. And guess which sections we were rehearsing? The ones we don't play in. \o/
I nearly went insane during that rehearsal. I was so bored.
So anyways, that's not the story I was going to tell.
There's around... 7 Tenor trombonists and 1 Bass (I'm Sixth chair) in the Symphonic Band. So, the guy who sits 5th Chair wasn't in that rehearsal (I think he was sick, which is unfortunate), so there was an empty seat between myself and the 4th chair. 4th chair dude at some point decided to rest his arm on the empty chair, so his hand was kind of dangling in the air (... that probably made no sense. Pretend you understand). So, 3rd chair starts motioning some sort of.... I don't know, cryptic message to me.
At first, I thought I wasn't the only one losing it.
After about 20 minutes of trying to figure out what he was saying, I figured it out: he was telling me to grab 4th's hand.
Unless he was trying to set us up (which I highly doubt), I kind of gave him the O_o look, and had to try and explain that a) I was a chick and b) 4th is a dude. Girl grabbing guy's hand = unwarranted signals. Besides, it would have been hilarious if 3rd did it, but it would have been just plain awkward for me.
4th is the guy who let me have the solo in one of our pieces for Trombone Troupe the other night, btw. It made me happy. He's a very sweet person (at least, from what I can tell).
3) I'm insane.
I'm taking 18.5 credits for the Spring 2012 semester ||D I have to pay money for that extra .5 credit though... we have a maximum of 18 credits per semester. FML.
Anyways, I got all the classes I wanted, so that's the good news.
Except for that chem class. I'm a little upset by that... oh well.
4) ... there was another story. I got too caught up in the moment about the text message one. XD
W/e.
Off to bed with me! Sleep, how I miss you.
So I have some stories to share, since I don't feel like signing onto Skype at the moment just to share my laughter.
1) How a Text Message can make your night great.
I was sitting on my bed reading a webcomic or something (I forget which), and my roommate had JUST gone to sleep. Usually at night, I turn my phone off silent so I can hear the alarm in the morning; usually people don't send me texts.
So I was relaxing when my phone goes off (quite loudly, mind you... which brings the question: why is the volume on max? >.>). Confused, I look at the text message and it reads... "<333" from one of the trombonists in my studio.
Needless to say, I was completely baffled (for multiple reasons). So I wasn't going to respond, but I figured that he probably sent that text to the wrong person... so I texted him back saying "J*****, you do realize you just sent me a text message with hearts in it... right?"
And I waited.... and for my sake, I will continue posting him as J and write the rest of the conversation in script format:
J: Yes. Yes I am. I'm sucking up to you
Me: ... what.
J: Have you committed your extra grab and go to anyone for tomorrow?
And at that point, I did a major facepalm and just LAUGHED. Grab and Go is a thing that our school does around lunchtime; one of the dining halls (from 10:30-4ish) has a system where students can go into a part of the dining hall to make a bagged lunch and eat anywhere on campus (lunches usually consist of Pizza/Sandwich/Wrap, two containers of Jello/Yogurt/Pudding/Pasta Salad/Couscous/etc, a soup, dessert, piece of fruit, and a drink), and you can grab anything you want and GO. Its a cool thing.
Because I have an unlimited meal plan, I can get two bagged lunches. Usually, before I leave the music school to grab my own lunch, I ask people from my studio if they would like me to grab them some food. It started with one person (who bought me outlining pens as a thank you), and the whole thing has almost spread through the entire studio XD
I've been called the "Mother Theresa of the Trombone Studio", which makes me giggle a bit. The original person who I was doing this for, ending up catching after I got my own lunch, so I gave him my cell number so he could text me in advance when he would like me to get him some food.
So today, I called J because one of my friends needed her car jumped (we got stuck quite a distance away from campus today XD We had something to do for one of our classes), so I guess he remembered that he had my cell number and decided to ask me to get him lunch. XD
So the conversation continues:
Me: Pffft, no not yet. Do you want me to get you lunch tomorrow?
J: <333333
I just found the entire thing hysterical.
Of course, then I remembered AFTER I told him I would get him some food that Grab and Go was closed tomorrow, since Thanksgiving Break starts tomorrow (aka, the Dining Hall workers are going off early).
So I felt bad for like... telling him that.
Its a good thing he laughed it off.
... can you guess why I was so confused by the hearts? (why yes, I did like him at some point. He's a very attractive person, and VERY tall. Its unfortunate that I'm not his type ;^; Oh well. There's other fish in the sea, right? ) I did find the whole thing funny though. I did seriously think though that he texted the wrong person at first XD
2) I nearly lost it in Band the other day.
We're playing this piece in band that has the trombonists (rather, the majority, if not ENTIRETY of the low brass section) sit out in SILENCE for 80 measures of rest in the beginning, and the close to 200 measures of rest RIGHT SMACKDAB in the middle. And guess which sections we were rehearsing? The ones we don't play in. \o/
I nearly went insane during that rehearsal. I was so bored.
So anyways, that's not the story I was going to tell.
There's around... 7 Tenor trombonists and 1 Bass (I'm Sixth chair) in the Symphonic Band. So, the guy who sits 5th Chair wasn't in that rehearsal (I think he was sick, which is unfortunate), so there was an empty seat between myself and the 4th chair. 4th chair dude at some point decided to rest his arm on the empty chair, so his hand was kind of dangling in the air (... that probably made no sense. Pretend you understand). So, 3rd chair starts motioning some sort of.... I don't know, cryptic message to me.
At first, I thought I wasn't the only one losing it.
After about 20 minutes of trying to figure out what he was saying, I figured it out: he was telling me to grab 4th's hand.
Unless he was trying to set us up (which I highly doubt), I kind of gave him the O_o look, and had to try and explain that a) I was a chick and b) 4th is a dude. Girl grabbing guy's hand = unwarranted signals. Besides, it would have been hilarious if 3rd did it, but it would have been just plain awkward for me.
4th is the guy who let me have the solo in one of our pieces for Trombone Troupe the other night, btw. It made me happy. He's a very sweet person (at least, from what I can tell).
3) I'm insane.
I'm taking 18.5 credits for the Spring 2012 semester ||D I have to pay money for that extra .5 credit though... we have a maximum of 18 credits per semester. FML.
Anyways, I got all the classes I wanted, so that's the good news.
Except for that chem class. I'm a little upset by that... oh well.
4) ... there was another story. I got too caught up in the moment about the text message one. XD
W/e.
Off to bed with me! Sleep, how I miss you.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Breaaaaak
Just two more days DX
And within that time, I have another paper to write and a hearing on friday. Which hopefully I can get the two-on-three rhythmic pattern down in time... and the 10/8 rhythm....
And then its break! \o/
I shall get lots of pictures done, which will be nice... I haven't drawn in like, a couple of days, so I'm excited...
anyways, I need to write a paper that's due tomorrow. I haven't even started it yet (nor have I finished the book... who gives fucking book reports in college? Really?)
Let the B.Sing of papers commence!
And within that time, I have another paper to write and a hearing on friday. Which hopefully I can get the two-on-three rhythmic pattern down in time... and the 10/8 rhythm....
And then its break! \o/
I shall get lots of pictures done, which will be nice... I haven't drawn in like, a couple of days, so I'm excited...
anyways, I need to write a paper that's due tomorrow. I haven't even started it yet (nor have I finished the book... who gives fucking book reports in college? Really?)
Let the B.Sing of papers commence!
Monday, November 7, 2011
This is what happens when I'm writing a term paper.
I've decided to try and push the entire thing with that boy away.
I can't be bothered by something like that right now... I really can't.
As much as I like him, I don't want to step on any toes. I don't want to pull him aside and tell him to stop talking to me, because I get the feeling he'll tell me that its just who he is: touchy-feely and just very friendly.
So I'm not going to think about it too much and move on with my life. Eventually something will happen.
... ugh, hold on, a song came up on my pandora that I detest...
Well, I'm not a big fan of Adele, but this'll do (considering it's titled "Someone Like You"... ha, funny how it fits, right?).
As I'm writing this, I have a newfound love for my character Lance again... he was, really, the first original character that was pretty damn good looking. And yet, despite his looks, he's seemed to have troubles with love and stuff like that. He's had a bunch of girlfriends in the past, but they all used him just to get what they want, and then they leave him behind. When he thought he found the one, she turned away and went to marry the man of her dreams, and his current love disappeared.
So to an extent, I kind of identify myself with him... I dunno why. Just with the way I feel towards romance at the moment. I'm not against it, I'm totally open to it, and I fall for practically anything... but something always turns me away. Doesn't matter if its rejection or if he has a girlfriend or whatnot.
So, tl;dr?
I'm trying to get over the guy in the post prior to this.
So, onto the why.
Because he has a girlfriend. I did (and this is going to sound so bad) some facebook stalking to see how long he and his girlfriend have been together, and its been over 2 years. So me being me, I feel bad for liking a guy who has been in a relationship that has not only lasted that long, but is a long-distance one at that. Not to mention that she posts on his wall every five minutes (not literally). In the end, it seems unlikely that they will break up (not that I was hoping for it to happen). And deep inside, its rather cute to see that a relationship is flourishing even though they're miles and hours apart.
In the long run, it really doesn't matter much. I should stop worrying about that and just... move on.
I have a term paper about Tchaikovsky to finish. However, it doesn't help the fact that all my sources mention that he's gay and his love life completely sucked.
I'm tired... I should like, finish doing what I'm doing and go to bed, and write what I can tomorrow during my breaks.
Le sigh.
I can't be bothered by something like that right now... I really can't.
As much as I like him, I don't want to step on any toes. I don't want to pull him aside and tell him to stop talking to me, because I get the feeling he'll tell me that its just who he is: touchy-feely and just very friendly.
So I'm not going to think about it too much and move on with my life. Eventually something will happen.
... ugh, hold on, a song came up on my pandora that I detest...
Well, I'm not a big fan of Adele, but this'll do (considering it's titled "Someone Like You"... ha, funny how it fits, right?).
As I'm writing this, I have a newfound love for my character Lance again... he was, really, the first original character that was pretty damn good looking. And yet, despite his looks, he's seemed to have troubles with love and stuff like that. He's had a bunch of girlfriends in the past, but they all used him just to get what they want, and then they leave him behind. When he thought he found the one, she turned away and went to marry the man of her dreams, and his current love disappeared.
So to an extent, I kind of identify myself with him... I dunno why. Just with the way I feel towards romance at the moment. I'm not against it, I'm totally open to it, and I fall for practically anything... but something always turns me away. Doesn't matter if its rejection or if he has a girlfriend or whatnot.
So, tl;dr?
I'm trying to get over the guy in the post prior to this.
So, onto the why.
Because he has a girlfriend. I did (and this is going to sound so bad) some facebook stalking to see how long he and his girlfriend have been together, and its been over 2 years. So me being me, I feel bad for liking a guy who has been in a relationship that has not only lasted that long, but is a long-distance one at that. Not to mention that she posts on his wall every five minutes (not literally). In the end, it seems unlikely that they will break up (not that I was hoping for it to happen). And deep inside, its rather cute to see that a relationship is flourishing even though they're miles and hours apart.
In the long run, it really doesn't matter much. I should stop worrying about that and just... move on.
I have a term paper about Tchaikovsky to finish. However, it doesn't help the fact that all my sources mention that he's gay and his love life completely sucked.
I'm tired... I should like, finish doing what I'm doing and go to bed, and write what I can tomorrow during my breaks.
Le sigh.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
So what do you do...
Let me get one thing out before I continue: I don't drink. I am a firm believer in the "No drinking until 21", but I'm not opposed to those who do drink under age. As much as I don't believe it's right, I don't fight people about it. I also have other reasons as to why I don't drink, but I won't go into detail about it.
Anyways... so, I'm making an effort to actually leave my room this year and not be a complete hermit (its actually a little funny to see peoples' reactions to me being at a party). I usually carry around a water or a soda just so I don't get dehydrated. So yeah...
Then there's this guy. In the past, like for a while now, I've been making a big deal about no dating. I'm not interested in it, nor do I want to be in one. But that doesn't mean I'm closed off to it or I'm against romance (as a matter of fact, for those who know me well, most of what I do is romance XD).
So this guy... I had a crush on him last year. Up until the point that my friend (who's friends with him) told me he has a girlfriend. So automatic "no touchy". But that didn't stop me from thinking he's cute. Because he is.
Me being me, I'm dressed in jeans and a pull over thingy with a dark-colored cami under it. I'm that awesome. I don't get overly dressed up for these things... I mean, everyone is drunk. SO ANYWAYS, this boy sees me, waves at me, and then walks over to me. And talks to me. Like.... yeah. It took me a while to convince him that I've only been at my school for two years and that I wasn't a senior.
I still think he was slightly drunk, but he insisted that he'd only had about 1-2 beers and wasn't tipsy at all. ... I didn't believe him, but that's okay.
So red flag number one: while talking, he only really spoke to /me/, and no one else around me.
Red flag number two: while talking to me, he would lean really close so that there wasn't much space between us.
Now, I had to ask myself if I had friended him on Facebook (I hadn't), and I was curious to see if he still had a girlfriend. But me being me, I was still being cautious and not stepping over any lines. So I kept a casual conversation going. Then things started to get a little... weird for me, at least XD
At some point, he grabbed my arm (not like violently, like, reassuringly) and told me that he would be right back and that he had to go find his roommate and make sure that he was okay. So he smiled and slowly walked away. Me, I went, "O-okay."
I was a little upset that he walked away, and I continued being the wall-flower of the party and hung out by the light switch.
He eventually came back and continued to talk to me, and like... every time he went to go check on his roommate, he would touch some part of my arm or my back and reassure me that he was going to be right back and that I shouldn't go anywhere. And if I was going to leave, I should tell him.
I eventually left without saying goodbye because I had to take care of my own roommate, so yeah.... I ended up friending him on facebook and found out that he's still dating the same girl. Guess who did a major face-plant on her desk and grumbled about it for the next week?
A few weeks later (so this would have been exactly a week ago now), he was at another party that I was at. Of course, tonight I heard that people are spreading rumors about me AGAIN about me "sleeping with a freshman", which isn't true... someone misinterpreted the meaning of "Hey So-and-so, you ready to go?" BUT ANYWAYS, that's besides the point.
So, I saw him standing on the upper floor of this apartment, and I called up to him, and he told me to come up to talk to him. So I did...
Before I continue: what I was wearing. I was wearing this kinda-short-but-not-really black dress with a green scarf around my arms and a black little purse (I was dressed up as the complete opposite of me (aka, a vocalist, according to my roommate)). My dress was sleeveless and kind of a halter-top, and was extremely low cut (... well, it like.... ... I can't describe dresses well, can I?)
Now, said boy and I were talking for a little while. Somewhere in the midst of him talking, he kind of stared at me and went, "Wow, you look really nice tonight."
I had no idea how to react, so I did my best to smile nicely and reply with a pleasant "thank you~"
Then, a couple of his friends walked by, and he was all, "Well, I'm going to hit another two parties... but I'll be back!" And proceeds to place a hand on my shoulder. He keeps his hand there and just kind of... rubs my shoulder. And his smiiiile. His genuine smile DX
Killer. KILLER. KIIIIILLLLER. The bitch in me was screaming to make a move, but I knew better. I'm not going to be like, "DUDE, IWANTTOMAKEOUTWITHYOU" and jump all over him. I just smiled and giggled and shit like that. I'm not going to cross over any lines, no matter HOW bad I want to.
So, as he's leaving, he turns to me and goes, "You have my cell number, right?" and I'm like, "Yeeaah... yes! We exchanged numbers a while back because I was joking how I would text you at like, 3 in the morning about how bored I was and how I wouldn't be able to sleep!" (true fact! I never did text him, btw.) And he's all, "Well, if I don't see you again... text me so I know, and like... (pause) You look really nice tonight."
I swear to god that if the lights were on, he'd see how much I was blushing.
So, he ended up coming back, just as the party was like, ending (because the house was being written up for being loud), and he came over and talked to me. He wouldn't stop telling me how nice I looked and wouldn't /stop/ touching me. Like... he had to be touching my shoulder or my arm, or my back.
I believe I failed to mention that every time he went to go somewhere without me, his hand would like, sliiiiide off my arm or back.
So onto part 3 of this story... on thursday, I walked by him in the hallway with the friend that was mentioned earlier on in this rant (the one who told me he was taken already). Of course, my friend walks up to him and like, air humps him. And he takes it (they've been friends for years, so I suppose that its okay to do this?), and I'm just standing there laughing.
He walked by me after, and like.... touches/rubs my arm as he passes.
And I freak out XD (not really, just like.... asfasd)
I had explained the situation to his friend (we're like, besties right now, so all's good), and asked him if he was a flirty drunk, to which he responded "I dunno, actually... I've only been around him once while he was drunk, and I was drunk too, so I wouldn't know :D"
The whole thing is driving me crazy. And it shouldn't really.
But like... what's bothering me is the fact that whenever he and I are at a party, he has to be touching me. And he has a girlfriend. So I so BADLY want to be like, "Dude, I want to like... kiss you so bad right now." But I can't. I'm not that type of person.
a) I don't want to cause a problem with him and his girlfriend.
b) I don't randomly go up to guys I like and kiss them.
c) I'm not a biddy. (if you have no idea what that is, look it up on UrbanDictionary XD) (.. or is it bitty? One of the two.)
I've talked to close friends about this, and some of them say that he's just a friendly person. Very few say that he likes me (the like-like). A couple say that he's just flirtatious.
I've been down this road before... and I HATE being down this road. Can I for ONCE find a guy who's NOT taken and I want to have these feelings for? XD God hates me, I swear. Quit throwing me curveballs, seriously.
I'm not making any moves, I swear. And I'm trying not to over analyze this.... it just bugs me that he has a girlfriend and is just... touching me. Unless a shoulder rub means that he's being friendly, then I'm a completely screwed up person. Or touching my lower back (not the butt).
I really really really want to believe he's being friendly. I really do. Maybe I'm just letting my own feelings get in the way again. Maybe I'm just a poor, confused person. Maybe I just like the idea that a guy is talking to me. And like, doesn't feel uncomfortable with me acting like a kid (which usually comes around as flirting to some people).
... WHAT THE HELL. That whole thing about people thinking I'm going out with a freshman kind of annoys me DX I'm tired of rumors being spread about me, really ;^;
First its me being a slut, and now the slut rumor is coming back... (long story short, some douche bag last year was telling people I slept with my ex, and then wanted to sleep with him...) I dunno. I hope it passes. This isn't fucking high school, people. And if they knew me, they would know that a) I'm not into guys younger than me and b) I don't randomly hook-up with people and c) I'm not that person -_-.
Dude, I haven't even had sex with anyone yet... then again, only certain people know that. I'm not afraid to admit it either... I'm just surprised people think that about me. Oh well. I just shouldn't go to social parties like that again for a while.
....
God, as much as I love College, I hate it at the same time. Mostly because some of the people here are still mentally high schoolers and spread rumors about others... mainly me. And I don't. Know. Why. What a way to start the weekend, right? =|
SO ANYWAYS.
What would you do about said boy? I'm not even sure if I like him and its just like... "Yaaaay, a guy is talking to meeeeee~~" or if its the friend vibe. I don't know. I confuse vibes a lot.
I need help.
I hope the counseling center here on campus gets back to me.
Anyways... so, I'm making an effort to actually leave my room this year and not be a complete hermit (its actually a little funny to see peoples' reactions to me being at a party). I usually carry around a water or a soda just so I don't get dehydrated. So yeah...
Then there's this guy. In the past, like for a while now, I've been making a big deal about no dating. I'm not interested in it, nor do I want to be in one. But that doesn't mean I'm closed off to it or I'm against romance (as a matter of fact, for those who know me well, most of what I do is romance XD).
So this guy... I had a crush on him last year. Up until the point that my friend (who's friends with him) told me he has a girlfriend. So automatic "no touchy". But that didn't stop me from thinking he's cute. Because he is.
Me being me, I'm dressed in jeans and a pull over thingy with a dark-colored cami under it. I'm that awesome. I don't get overly dressed up for these things... I mean, everyone is drunk. SO ANYWAYS, this boy sees me, waves at me, and then walks over to me. And talks to me. Like.... yeah. It took me a while to convince him that I've only been at my school for two years and that I wasn't a senior.
I still think he was slightly drunk, but he insisted that he'd only had about 1-2 beers and wasn't tipsy at all. ... I didn't believe him, but that's okay.
So red flag number one: while talking, he only really spoke to /me/, and no one else around me.
Red flag number two: while talking to me, he would lean really close so that there wasn't much space between us.
Now, I had to ask myself if I had friended him on Facebook (I hadn't), and I was curious to see if he still had a girlfriend. But me being me, I was still being cautious and not stepping over any lines. So I kept a casual conversation going. Then things started to get a little... weird for me, at least XD
At some point, he grabbed my arm (not like violently, like, reassuringly) and told me that he would be right back and that he had to go find his roommate and make sure that he was okay. So he smiled and slowly walked away. Me, I went, "O-okay."
I was a little upset that he walked away, and I continued being the wall-flower of the party and hung out by the light switch.
He eventually came back and continued to talk to me, and like... every time he went to go check on his roommate, he would touch some part of my arm or my back and reassure me that he was going to be right back and that I shouldn't go anywhere. And if I was going to leave, I should tell him.
I eventually left without saying goodbye because I had to take care of my own roommate, so yeah.... I ended up friending him on facebook and found out that he's still dating the same girl. Guess who did a major face-plant on her desk and grumbled about it for the next week?
A few weeks later (so this would have been exactly a week ago now), he was at another party that I was at. Of course, tonight I heard that people are spreading rumors about me AGAIN about me "sleeping with a freshman", which isn't true... someone misinterpreted the meaning of "Hey So-and-so, you ready to go?" BUT ANYWAYS, that's besides the point.
So, I saw him standing on the upper floor of this apartment, and I called up to him, and he told me to come up to talk to him. So I did...
Before I continue: what I was wearing. I was wearing this kinda-short-but-not-really black dress with a green scarf around my arms and a black little purse (I was dressed up as the complete opposite of me (aka, a vocalist, according to my roommate)). My dress was sleeveless and kind of a halter-top, and was extremely low cut (... well, it like.... ... I can't describe dresses well, can I?)
Now, said boy and I were talking for a little while. Somewhere in the midst of him talking, he kind of stared at me and went, "Wow, you look really nice tonight."
I had no idea how to react, so I did my best to smile nicely and reply with a pleasant "thank you~"
Then, a couple of his friends walked by, and he was all, "Well, I'm going to hit another two parties... but I'll be back!" And proceeds to place a hand on my shoulder. He keeps his hand there and just kind of... rubs my shoulder. And his smiiiile. His genuine smile DX
Killer. KILLER. KIIIIILLLLER. The bitch in me was screaming to make a move, but I knew better. I'm not going to be like, "DUDE, IWANTTOMAKEOUTWITHYOU" and jump all over him. I just smiled and giggled and shit like that. I'm not going to cross over any lines, no matter HOW bad I want to.
So, as he's leaving, he turns to me and goes, "You have my cell number, right?" and I'm like, "Yeeaah... yes! We exchanged numbers a while back because I was joking how I would text you at like, 3 in the morning about how bored I was and how I wouldn't be able to sleep!" (true fact! I never did text him, btw.) And he's all, "Well, if I don't see you again... text me so I know, and like... (pause) You look really nice tonight."
I swear to god that if the lights were on, he'd see how much I was blushing.
So, he ended up coming back, just as the party was like, ending (because the house was being written up for being loud), and he came over and talked to me. He wouldn't stop telling me how nice I looked and wouldn't /stop/ touching me. Like... he had to be touching my shoulder or my arm, or my back.
I believe I failed to mention that every time he went to go somewhere without me, his hand would like, sliiiiide off my arm or back.
So onto part 3 of this story... on thursday, I walked by him in the hallway with the friend that was mentioned earlier on in this rant (the one who told me he was taken already). Of course, my friend walks up to him and like, air humps him. And he takes it (they've been friends for years, so I suppose that its okay to do this?), and I'm just standing there laughing.
He walked by me after, and like.... touches/rubs my arm as he passes.
And I freak out XD (not really, just like.... asfasd)
I had explained the situation to his friend (we're like, besties right now, so all's good), and asked him if he was a flirty drunk, to which he responded "I dunno, actually... I've only been around him once while he was drunk, and I was drunk too, so I wouldn't know :D"
The whole thing is driving me crazy. And it shouldn't really.
But like... what's bothering me is the fact that whenever he and I are at a party, he has to be touching me. And he has a girlfriend. So I so BADLY want to be like, "Dude, I want to like... kiss you so bad right now." But I can't. I'm not that type of person.
a) I don't want to cause a problem with him and his girlfriend.
b) I don't randomly go up to guys I like and kiss them.
c) I'm not a biddy. (if you have no idea what that is, look it up on UrbanDictionary XD) (.. or is it bitty? One of the two.)
I've talked to close friends about this, and some of them say that he's just a friendly person. Very few say that he likes me (the like-like). A couple say that he's just flirtatious.
I've been down this road before... and I HATE being down this road. Can I for ONCE find a guy who's NOT taken and I want to have these feelings for? XD God hates me, I swear. Quit throwing me curveballs, seriously.
I'm not making any moves, I swear. And I'm trying not to over analyze this.... it just bugs me that he has a girlfriend and is just... touching me. Unless a shoulder rub means that he's being friendly, then I'm a completely screwed up person. Or touching my lower back (not the butt).
I really really really want to believe he's being friendly. I really do. Maybe I'm just letting my own feelings get in the way again. Maybe I'm just a poor, confused person. Maybe I just like the idea that a guy is talking to me. And like, doesn't feel uncomfortable with me acting like a kid (which usually comes around as flirting to some people).
... WHAT THE HELL. That whole thing about people thinking I'm going out with a freshman kind of annoys me DX I'm tired of rumors being spread about me, really ;^;
First its me being a slut, and now the slut rumor is coming back... (long story short, some douche bag last year was telling people I slept with my ex, and then wanted to sleep with him...) I dunno. I hope it passes. This isn't fucking high school, people. And if they knew me, they would know that a) I'm not into guys younger than me and b) I don't randomly hook-up with people and c) I'm not that person -_-.
Dude, I haven't even had sex with anyone yet... then again, only certain people know that. I'm not afraid to admit it either... I'm just surprised people think that about me. Oh well. I just shouldn't go to social parties like that again for a while.
....
God, as much as I love College, I hate it at the same time. Mostly because some of the people here are still mentally high schoolers and spread rumors about others... mainly me. And I don't. Know. Why. What a way to start the weekend, right? =|
SO ANYWAYS.
What would you do about said boy? I'm not even sure if I like him and its just like... "Yaaaay, a guy is talking to meeeeee~~" or if its the friend vibe. I don't know. I confuse vibes a lot.
I need help.
I hope the counseling center here on campus gets back to me.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
So you know...
I've been meaning to update this for a while now.
I kept on forgetting... I apologize.
So yeah. For those who don't know (and if I didn't clearly state in my previous entry), my parents bought me the student edition of Photoshop CS5.
I can't tell you how excited I am to be able to use the program again... I needed it for a project at first, so now I just have it.
OH. For those who want to see what its being used for, go and watch my concert this saturday at 8:15 (EST)!
Here's the link for the live webcast: http://www.ithaca.edu/music/live/
I believe that a link will appear by the first date there (the Symphonic Band and Jazz Band) on saturday. So please watch and tell me what you think!!! I won't be playing in one of the movements of our first piece, just because I will be working my presentation. Hopefully everything will run smooth... (it didn't today).
Uhm... anyways, even though its like, 12 AM, I should probably go look over some of my stuff for class tomorrow... I'll ttyl!
I kept on forgetting... I apologize.
So yeah. For those who don't know (and if I didn't clearly state in my previous entry), my parents bought me the student edition of Photoshop CS5.
I can't tell you how excited I am to be able to use the program again... I needed it for a project at first, so now I just have it.
OH. For those who want to see what its being used for, go and watch my concert this saturday at 8:15 (EST)!
Here's the link for the live webcast: http://www.ithaca.edu/music/live/
I believe that a link will appear by the first date there (the Symphonic Band and Jazz Band) on saturday. So please watch and tell me what you think!!! I won't be playing in one of the movements of our first piece, just because I will be working my presentation. Hopefully everything will run smooth... (it didn't today).
Uhm... anyways, even though its like, 12 AM, I should probably go look over some of my stuff for class tomorrow... I'll ttyl!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Super stressed...
Its gotten to the point where I'm literally like... crying every couple of minutes.
I feel like I'm breaking... completely falling apart. I know where my goal is, and I want to be there so bad... I'm climbing so high, but I can feel my grip slipping. I'm so close to the top, I don't want to just slide on down to the bottom... and then an avalanche hits.
I literally just got off of a break that really didn't exist... and I'm still super stressed. I might take a sick day at some point... even though I can't really afford it.
I don't know what to do.
Maybe I'll finish what I'm doing and go to sleep...
and maybe I'll seek out some help tomorrow, because... I feel like that's what I need. My friends are great, but I think its finally time I seek out some professional help from someone. There are places here on campus that I can go to... maybe I'll spend my lesson tomorrow just talking about places I can go to. I don't know.
... I feel cold, but my face is hot. I'm like a giant, walking contradiction at the moment. I want to cry, but I don't. I want to go back home, but I can't because I want to stay at school.
Maybe this is an extreme case of being homesick.
Or maybe I really am suffering from depression.
I don't know.
I feel like I'm breaking... completely falling apart. I know where my goal is, and I want to be there so bad... I'm climbing so high, but I can feel my grip slipping. I'm so close to the top, I don't want to just slide on down to the bottom... and then an avalanche hits.
I literally just got off of a break that really didn't exist... and I'm still super stressed. I might take a sick day at some point... even though I can't really afford it.
I don't know what to do.
Maybe I'll finish what I'm doing and go to sleep...
and maybe I'll seek out some help tomorrow, because... I feel like that's what I need. My friends are great, but I think its finally time I seek out some professional help from someone. There are places here on campus that I can go to... maybe I'll spend my lesson tomorrow just talking about places I can go to. I don't know.
... I feel cold, but my face is hot. I'm like a giant, walking contradiction at the moment. I want to cry, but I don't. I want to go back home, but I can't because I want to stay at school.
Maybe this is an extreme case of being homesick.
Or maybe I really am suffering from depression.
I don't know.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Welp.
I failed sax.
I literally just want to cry right now.
I worked my BUTT off on my music and scales and things... and make sure that I passes. Of course, the moment I get into the room, my fingers don't touch the right keys and I mess up... and all that jazz. Fuck. My. Luck.
And I seriously want to believe that if there's a god, he fucking hates me. He gives me ONE day of good luck, and then strips it away from me in a matter of seconds. And I'm kind of sick of it. I just... I just want ONE good thing to happen to me. That's all I ask for. ONE thing. Stop giving me bad luck and shitty days. I'm tired of being sick, miserable, and grumpy all the time...
In the meantime, I have two other exams to study for.
And a paper.
And a binder.
And 5000000 other things.
All I ask for is a little sleep... and that's not going to happen at this rate.
I literally just want to cry right now.
I worked my BUTT off on my music and scales and things... and make sure that I passes. Of course, the moment I get into the room, my fingers don't touch the right keys and I mess up... and all that jazz. Fuck. My. Luck.
And I seriously want to believe that if there's a god, he fucking hates me. He gives me ONE day of good luck, and then strips it away from me in a matter of seconds. And I'm kind of sick of it. I just... I just want ONE good thing to happen to me. That's all I ask for. ONE thing. Stop giving me bad luck and shitty days. I'm tired of being sick, miserable, and grumpy all the time...
In the meantime, I have two other exams to study for.
And a paper.
And a binder.
And 5000000 other things.
All I ask for is a little sleep... and that's not going to happen at this rate.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
So I have a new thing to freak out about.
Because I did the math better this time around, I will be able to complete the 90 hours by Nov 30, thank god. But now, a new problem arises....
At this point in time, I really could care less if I fail the class. I'm kinda hoping that the professor will make a little leeway for me... seeing that its a FINAL on SAX after 7 WEEKS of playing the DAMN thing. And like, we're supposed to be able to play super high on an ALTO sax.... and super fast.
I'm a little worried, to be honest... because unlike REGULAR classes, his grading is bullshit. 25% of the grade goes towards the written final (which is tomorrow; I should probably study that). 75% of the rest of the grade is based on your PLAYING final.
WTF. Who grades like that?? So like, I could make ONE mistake on my playing exam and fail the class. But w/e. I have until tuesday to learn the material properly.
Anyways, on a slightly less stressed out note, I offered to do some sequential art for a piece that we are performing in Symphonic Band, which IF YOU WOULD LIKE, you are more than free to go to the Ithaca website and watch the livestreamed concert on... November... something. But, I'm illustrating some art for the well-known fable, The Tortoise and the Hare.
This is kinda my first time drawing a tortoise, let alone a hare... so this is going to be interesting. So far the doodle are pretty cute (I'm going to have rough drafts done by monday).
Why do I feel stressed out, but perfectly calm at the same time? It's very... unnerving.
And to top it all off, I think I'm either coming down with a head cold or I have a bad case of Fall Allergies... I'll figure it out. In the meantime, STUDYING FOR SAX.
At this point in time, I really could care less if I fail the class. I'm kinda hoping that the professor will make a little leeway for me... seeing that its a FINAL on SAX after 7 WEEKS of playing the DAMN thing. And like, we're supposed to be able to play super high on an ALTO sax.... and super fast.
I'm a little worried, to be honest... because unlike REGULAR classes, his grading is bullshit. 25% of the grade goes towards the written final (which is tomorrow; I should probably study that). 75% of the rest of the grade is based on your PLAYING final.
WTF. Who grades like that?? So like, I could make ONE mistake on my playing exam and fail the class. But w/e. I have until tuesday to learn the material properly.
Anyways, on a slightly less stressed out note, I offered to do some sequential art for a piece that we are performing in Symphonic Band, which IF YOU WOULD LIKE, you are more than free to go to the Ithaca website and watch the livestreamed concert on... November... something. But, I'm illustrating some art for the well-known fable, The Tortoise and the Hare.
This is kinda my first time drawing a tortoise, let alone a hare... so this is going to be interesting. So far the doodle are pretty cute (I'm going to have rough drafts done by monday).
Why do I feel stressed out, but perfectly calm at the same time? It's very... unnerving.
And to top it all off, I think I'm either coming down with a head cold or I have a bad case of Fall Allergies... I'll figure it out. In the meantime, STUDYING FOR SAX.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
=|
I keep on getting reminded of why I don't want to teach General Music Education (which is music for grades k-6). I just... its not something I want to do. Granted, if that's the only job opening there is, then I'll take it... but I don't want to teach it. I know it sounds stupid to just say "I'm here to study how to conduct a band", but its... what I want to do. Yes, I understand that there are some aspects of general music education in Band, but... asjdkfasd. Meh.
On a somewhat related topic, MidTerms are fast approaching, and I still need... 40 hours completed. Tuesdays and thursdays, from this point on, from 12-1, I am going to be sitting and observing Junior student teachers. On Saturdays, I sit from 9-12 watching the Suzuki program. Sometime in november, there is a choral event that I can observe, and that's... 5 hours I believe. Fall Break, I am going and getting at least 20 hours. So let's see... that's.... 11 + 15 + 20 + 20 = I should be fine. Even if its 11 + 15 + 19 + 16. Aaaaaugh. So yes. I must observe the Junior student teachers on thursday... that is my only hope DX
I'm trying to keep as much hope as I can. Its hard to see straight when you feel stressed out and when the world seems to be suffocating you.
Anyways, I'm going to go practice trombone... if I can find confidence again.
On a somewhat related topic, MidTerms are fast approaching, and I still need... 40 hours completed. Tuesdays and thursdays, from this point on, from 12-1, I am going to be sitting and observing Junior student teachers. On Saturdays, I sit from 9-12 watching the Suzuki program. Sometime in november, there is a choral event that I can observe, and that's... 5 hours I believe. Fall Break, I am going and getting at least 20 hours. So let's see... that's.... 11 + 15 + 20 + 20 = I should be fine. Even if its 11 + 15 + 19 + 16. Aaaaaugh. So yes. I must observe the Junior student teachers on thursday... that is my only hope DX
I'm trying to keep as much hope as I can. Its hard to see straight when you feel stressed out and when the world seems to be suffocating you.
Anyways, I'm going to go practice trombone... if I can find confidence again.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
How you can tell if you're depressed.
I literally just lost all motivation to do anything.
To an extent, I kind of want to go back to Whalen and play my trombone, or I just want someone to tell me that "Hey, you sound pretty nice on that!"
And I kind of want someone to honestly tell me what they think of me. I'm tired of random douche bags telling me I'm pretty... well, I take that back. They're not random douche bags... in fact, they're not douche bags at all. I don't know why I just called them that. But like, I've been called pretty three times this week, which hits an all time new record. But like... I want, for once, to have just /one/ person, and have it be the same person, tell me that. And for the record, I don't know if those random people meant it or if they were being sarcastic.
I'm in one of those funks. Not the ones where I'm screaming and shouting "MY LIFE SUCKS EGGS" or wanting to jump off a cliff. Just... I feel down. Sad. Upset. I don't know why.
Maybe its because of said reason above.
Maybe I do want to jump off a cliff... and land in a pool of jello.
Or maybe its because I cut my finger today at work. I highly doubt that's the reason to be depressed... my boss let me take a bag of cereal back to my room.
Maybe I realized how depressing Someone to Watch of Me is.
Or maybe its just me being tired of liking people (like, crushes). I'm just... tired of falling and being lead into things that quite frankly, I don't want. I'm tired of relationships, tired of... well, men. Not that I was being lead on or anything... just tired of finding out that people I've liked or like found someone else. Not that I'm jealous. I just question why I'm able to sit around and let people just walk on by instead of trying to grab their hand.
Why can't I just be like every other college student and get drunk every weekend with no fail? Why am I that anti-social hermit that lives in the dorm and sits here drawing. Why do I have little confidence in myself and my abilities? Maybe its because I'm human and I can't do better, or maybe I just suck in general and don't want to admit it. I hope its not the latter.
So, all in all: I hate relationships, and I don't want to be in one for a very long time. I haven't been in one since the summer, and I've finally come to a realization of how much the freakin' suck and how much I don't want to be in one. Because, let's face it people, I will NEVER be that person that conforms to someone else. I kind of enjoy my freedom a little too much.
I don't know why I posted this here. I really don't. I guess I just need to vent.
I bet half of it doesn't even make sense.
There was something I finally got inspiration for... I'm off to do that now.
To an extent, I kind of want to go back to Whalen and play my trombone, or I just want someone to tell me that "Hey, you sound pretty nice on that!"
And I kind of want someone to honestly tell me what they think of me. I'm tired of random douche bags telling me I'm pretty... well, I take that back. They're not random douche bags... in fact, they're not douche bags at all. I don't know why I just called them that. But like, I've been called pretty three times this week, which hits an all time new record. But like... I want, for once, to have just /one/ person, and have it be the same person, tell me that. And for the record, I don't know if those random people meant it or if they were being sarcastic.
I'm in one of those funks. Not the ones where I'm screaming and shouting "MY LIFE SUCKS EGGS" or wanting to jump off a cliff. Just... I feel down. Sad. Upset. I don't know why.
Maybe its because of said reason above.
Maybe I do want to jump off a cliff... and land in a pool of jello.
Or maybe its because I cut my finger today at work. I highly doubt that's the reason to be depressed... my boss let me take a bag of cereal back to my room.
Maybe I realized how depressing Someone to Watch of Me is.
Or maybe its just me being tired of liking people (like, crushes). I'm just... tired of falling and being lead into things that quite frankly, I don't want. I'm tired of relationships, tired of... well, men. Not that I was being lead on or anything... just tired of finding out that people I've liked or like found someone else. Not that I'm jealous. I just question why I'm able to sit around and let people just walk on by instead of trying to grab their hand.
Why can't I just be like every other college student and get drunk every weekend with no fail? Why am I that anti-social hermit that lives in the dorm and sits here drawing. Why do I have little confidence in myself and my abilities? Maybe its because I'm human and I can't do better, or maybe I just suck in general and don't want to admit it. I hope its not the latter.
So, all in all: I hate relationships, and I don't want to be in one for a very long time. I haven't been in one since the summer, and I've finally come to a realization of how much the freakin' suck and how much I don't want to be in one. Because, let's face it people, I will NEVER be that person that conforms to someone else. I kind of enjoy my freedom a little too much.
I don't know why I posted this here. I really don't. I guess I just need to vent.
I bet half of it doesn't even make sense.
There was something I finally got inspiration for... I'm off to do that now.
Insert Creative Title Here
Unless some miracle happens, I will not be updating either comic this weekend. I won't really be sitting in my dorm long enough to draw a full length comic page.
Big hopes for my friend MK, who's mother went into the hospital yesterday.
In that case, I might work on a few pictures for her... .,. She gave me some ideas yesterday, and I might do some extra things because her birthday is coming up. \o/
So anyways, I have to get back to paying attention to the Suzuki group. Not that I'm really paying attention. Oh the dangers of having a laptop out...
Big hopes for my friend MK, who's mother went into the hospital yesterday.
In that case, I might work on a few pictures for her... .,. She gave me some ideas yesterday, and I might do some extra things because her birthday is coming up. \o/
So anyways, I have to get back to paying attention to the Suzuki group. Not that I'm really paying attention. Oh the dangers of having a laptop out...
Monday, October 3, 2011
I updated my laptop!
Lion is gonna take a little while to get used to... I'm having a little too much fun creating multiple desktops :D
... but then I forget that I have a similar program open on another desktop...
...
I'll get used to it.
I'm hoping that there aren't any more significant changes XD I already flipped out that iCal and Mail were changed.
But this also means that I can have like, classnotes open on one screen, stories on another, and other stuff open on another :D This makes me happy.
Now all I need is photoshop, and then I'm all set.
Oh, and for ye Bionicle fans, I'm working on a new cover. AGAIN. (yes, I know: REALLY??? DX) Unless I get sick of what I have drawn so far, and restart again.
Its hard fitting more than 6 people on one cover.
I'm insane.
So like... yeah. This should be interesting.
I kinda don't want to start up on the Bionicle manga until I have photoshop... I dunno.
OH.
OH.
I think the heat's FINALLY on in my dorm :D YAY NO MORE SUFFERING IN THE COLD ||D This makes me a happy Nik.
This also makes me wish that I had more sweaters in my room. I only now realized how cold its going to get this year.
So my roommate told me that I need to draw uglier people. I've been working on different body types (half the reason why I don't really vary on body types is because a) Magyk don't need to eat to survive, so some of them are naturally skinny b) the Bionicle peeps are all like... super-magnificent, and the list of excuses goes on), but every time I try to draw a... less attractive male (because apparently, all my men are good looking), they come out too pretty. =|
Something to work on, I guess.
I might take up a challenge, and do like... Day 1: Stick thin girl. Day 2: Average male. Day 3: Native American male. Day 4: "The Geek". And so on.
If someone wants to do this with me, lemme know. We should create a list together :D
Also, I feel like my window lies. I look out my window and see my reflection, and I look skinner than I really am... because when I stand and look in the mirror, I see my tummy. (I do have low-self esteem and bad body image, but still. This is just me being confused XD) This also reminds me of something else that happened today, but I don't feel like typing it down. It involves me leaving my dorm room to go clean a mug, seeing a guy dressed nicely, asking him "Why are you dressed so nice?" and then him saying, "Why are you always so beautiful?" back to me.
I'm confused.
(/insert low self-esteem rant here)
I need a haircut.
... but then I forget that I have a similar program open on another desktop...
...
I'll get used to it.
I'm hoping that there aren't any more significant changes XD I already flipped out that iCal and Mail were changed.
But this also means that I can have like, classnotes open on one screen, stories on another, and other stuff open on another :D This makes me happy.
Now all I need is photoshop, and then I'm all set.
Oh, and for ye Bionicle fans, I'm working on a new cover. AGAIN. (yes, I know: REALLY??? DX) Unless I get sick of what I have drawn so far, and restart again.
Its hard fitting more than 6 people on one cover.
I'm insane.
So like... yeah. This should be interesting.
I kinda don't want to start up on the Bionicle manga until I have photoshop... I dunno.
OH.
OH.
I think the heat's FINALLY on in my dorm :D YAY NO MORE SUFFERING IN THE COLD ||D This makes me a happy Nik.
This also makes me wish that I had more sweaters in my room. I only now realized how cold its going to get this year.
So my roommate told me that I need to draw uglier people. I've been working on different body types (half the reason why I don't really vary on body types is because a) Magyk don't need to eat to survive, so some of them are naturally skinny b) the Bionicle peeps are all like... super-magnificent, and the list of excuses goes on), but every time I try to draw a... less attractive male (because apparently, all my men are good looking), they come out too pretty. =|
Something to work on, I guess.
I might take up a challenge, and do like... Day 1: Stick thin girl. Day 2: Average male. Day 3: Native American male. Day 4: "The Geek". And so on.
If someone wants to do this with me, lemme know. We should create a list together :D
Also, I feel like my window lies. I look out my window and see my reflection, and I look skinner than I really am... because when I stand and look in the mirror, I see my tummy. (I do have low-self esteem and bad body image, but still. This is just me being confused XD) This also reminds me of something else that happened today, but I don't feel like typing it down. It involves me leaving my dorm room to go clean a mug, seeing a guy dressed nicely, asking him "Why are you dressed so nice?" and then him saying, "Why are you always so beautiful?" back to me.
I'm confused.
(/insert low self-esteem rant here)
I need a haircut.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Ahahaha...
so as I'm working on my next page for the Always Darkest Before the Dawn manga, I got this sudden urge to draw Bionicle again.
Maybe I'll bring the manga back... I'm still refusing to go back to dA (yes, I'm a stubborn ass), but maybe I'll start posting it on smackjeeves again.
You know what that means, right?
THREE COMICS TO UPDATE :'D Who's gonna die? Me!
The only problem would be that... well, problems, really... are:
1) Inspiration is short.
2) I would update when I want to. No deadlines. Like my other two comics. XD
3) I'm not sure how much effort will go into the pages.
I guess this means that I'll go find that page I finished a while ago and scan it later.
... wait, did I even finish that page? .... ha. Looks like after I finish the manga page, I'll go look for it.
So, for all my Bionicle fans who have followed me here, you're more than welcome to say to people that "Oh my god, she might bring it back!!!"
I don't know what suddenly made me want to bring it back again.
Pfffft. I'm just an insane person.
Maybe if people pay me a $1, I'll post a comic page.
Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.... I mean, I have 62 fans that have favorited the comic... (soooo many fans DX Why is it that popular? I mean, I have like, so many other amazing friends who have drawn their versions of bionicle, why is it that my manga seems to be so popular? The writing isn't even that good.... and my character development sucks. Except for Tahu's. His is like, the only major development. I pick favorites.)
Anyways, off to finishing comics.
Maybe I'll bring the manga back... I'm still refusing to go back to dA (yes, I'm a stubborn ass), but maybe I'll start posting it on smackjeeves again.
You know what that means, right?
THREE COMICS TO UPDATE :'D Who's gonna die? Me!
The only problem would be that... well, problems, really... are:
1) Inspiration is short.
2) I would update when I want to. No deadlines. Like my other two comics. XD
3) I'm not sure how much effort will go into the pages.
I guess this means that I'll go find that page I finished a while ago and scan it later.
... wait, did I even finish that page? .... ha. Looks like after I finish the manga page, I'll go look for it.
So, for all my Bionicle fans who have followed me here, you're more than welcome to say to people that "Oh my god, she might bring it back!!!"
I don't know what suddenly made me want to bring it back again.
Pfffft. I'm just an insane person.
Maybe if people pay me a $1, I'll post a comic page.
Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.... I mean, I have 62 fans that have favorited the comic... (soooo many fans DX Why is it that popular? I mean, I have like, so many other amazing friends who have drawn their versions of bionicle, why is it that my manga seems to be so popular? The writing isn't even that good.... and my character development sucks. Except for Tahu's. His is like, the only major development. I pick favorites.)
Anyways, off to finishing comics.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Gah FUCK.
I manage to get hurt somehow at least once a month. Or every week. But usually I don't get hurt too-too badly. So I guess that's a plus, right?
Well, not today.
I was entering the room where the trombone section in my band was having a sectional, and some person walks out of the room, not realizing that I was like, right at the door, and literally slams the door open. Needless to say, he sent the door flying open.
Guess who managed to protect herself, all except for one, very important finger? And guys, get your minds out of the gutter.
The door hit the knuckle (well, more like the center) of my middle finger on my left hand. Some might say that "Well, at least it wasn't your right hand, right?" (I'm a righty), and while yes, I am glad that my right hand wasn't hurt, I need my left hand to support my trombone.
In other words....
Right hand = slide hand
Left hand = hand that holds trombone to face.
Left Middle finger = a point of balance for the instrument.
This technically requires me to bend my finger while I hold it (if you need an example of how trombonists hold the instrument, type in "Song for Japan trombone" into youtube and click the first link)... so yeah. It hurt.
Not to mention that I had to hold my trombone for an hour.... and then another hour after that for Trombone Troupe (I'm not going to bother explaining that).
By the end of troupe, it wasn't hurting as much, but then I was cracking my knuckles... and I forgot that my finger had been hurting, so I just made it worse.
I can't flex my left hand, which bothers me. And its kinda hurting to type at the moment.
Anyways... I'm going to go watch Amadeus on Netflix. I'm feeling musical, despite my left hand, so yay for movies based on famous composers and stuff ||D
Well, not today.
I was entering the room where the trombone section in my band was having a sectional, and some person walks out of the room, not realizing that I was like, right at the door, and literally slams the door open. Needless to say, he sent the door flying open.
Guess who managed to protect herself, all except for one, very important finger? And guys, get your minds out of the gutter.
The door hit the knuckle (well, more like the center) of my middle finger on my left hand. Some might say that "Well, at least it wasn't your right hand, right?" (I'm a righty), and while yes, I am glad that my right hand wasn't hurt, I need my left hand to support my trombone.
In other words....
Right hand = slide hand
Left hand = hand that holds trombone to face.
Left Middle finger = a point of balance for the instrument.
This technically requires me to bend my finger while I hold it (if you need an example of how trombonists hold the instrument, type in "Song for Japan trombone" into youtube and click the first link)... so yeah. It hurt.
Not to mention that I had to hold my trombone for an hour.... and then another hour after that for Trombone Troupe (I'm not going to bother explaining that).
By the end of troupe, it wasn't hurting as much, but then I was cracking my knuckles... and I forgot that my finger had been hurting, so I just made it worse.
I can't flex my left hand, which bothers me. And its kinda hurting to type at the moment.
Anyways... I'm going to go watch Amadeus on Netflix. I'm feeling musical, despite my left hand, so yay for movies based on famous composers and stuff ||D
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Quick Post
Because I need to go shower and then head back to Whalen (the music building) to practice, since I haven't done so yet today (mostly because I accidentally left my trombone mouthpiece in my dorm room).
So I was thinking about purchasing Photoshop CS5 Extended. Because I miss photoshop. I miss doing digital art.
I have nothing against traditional art XD Just... using photoshop for comic editing and stuff like that is a lot easier than the programs I'm using at the moment. And its more tablet friendly.
However, if I like, want it for cheap ($200), I have to buy the student edition. I heard that if you buy the student edition, you can't upgrade it later in life... HOWEVER, I guess I don't really care. I use CS2 all the time back home, and never upgraded it. Mostly because I didn't want to...
See, I /just/ want photoshop. Since I'm not an art major (rather, a drawing major XD Music is an Art), I don't really need Flash or Illustrator or the other 500000000 programs that the Creative Suite comes with.
But like, I've used Illustrator in the past, and I think that if I were to like, do anything Graphic Design classes up here, I would need Flash/Illustrator and stuff like that... and if I end up doing that internship with Lego again over the summer... I might need them. I don't know.
The other option is to look into buying the full program of SketchBook (AutoDesk), but I'm not really liking it... and I never use it. Like, ever. I'm so used to Photoshop that Sketchbook is like... odd.
What are your opinions?
As I look outside, the clouds look really questionable, so I think I'm going to go shower now, in the case that we get hit by a thunderstorm. Again. Which I don't mind, but I don't want to be running outside in a storm again. Not that I'm afraid of lightning or thunder. I just don't like being outside when electricity is flying around.
Anyways, OFF TO THE SHOWERS.
So I was thinking about purchasing Photoshop CS5 Extended. Because I miss photoshop. I miss doing digital art.
I have nothing against traditional art XD Just... using photoshop for comic editing and stuff like that is a lot easier than the programs I'm using at the moment. And its more tablet friendly.
However, if I like, want it for cheap ($200), I have to buy the student edition. I heard that if you buy the student edition, you can't upgrade it later in life... HOWEVER, I guess I don't really care. I use CS2 all the time back home, and never upgraded it. Mostly because I didn't want to...
See, I /just/ want photoshop. Since I'm not an art major (rather, a drawing major XD Music is an Art), I don't really need Flash or Illustrator or the other 500000000 programs that the Creative Suite comes with.
But like, I've used Illustrator in the past, and I think that if I were to like, do anything Graphic Design classes up here, I would need Flash/Illustrator and stuff like that... and if I end up doing that internship with Lego again over the summer... I might need them. I don't know.
The other option is to look into buying the full program of SketchBook (AutoDesk), but I'm not really liking it... and I never use it. Like, ever. I'm so used to Photoshop that Sketchbook is like... odd.
What are your opinions?
As I look outside, the clouds look really questionable, so I think I'm going to go shower now, in the case that we get hit by a thunderstorm. Again. Which I don't mind, but I don't want to be running outside in a storm again. Not that I'm afraid of lightning or thunder. I just don't like being outside when electricity is flying around.
Anyways, OFF TO THE SHOWERS.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Tired
I should probably go to bed, but I thought that I would update.
I turned 20 this week :D No longer a teenager, baby~ (which is an odd feeling actually...)
.... anywho. Both comics have been updated.
OH. If you liked my story Ti Amo, I started a blog for it. I might start another blog for various other stories I've written (like, just a writer's blog). Maybe.
Anyways, here's the blog: http://tiamothestory.blogspot.com/
Dunno how often it will update. XD
Thanks to all of you who wished me a happy birthday on wednesday! I didn't do much... but school work. Birthdays during the week suck. (wait, that sounded weird.)
anyways.
of to bed with me. ||D
I turned 20 this week :D No longer a teenager, baby~ (which is an odd feeling actually...)
.... anywho. Both comics have been updated.
OH. If you liked my story Ti Amo, I started a blog for it. I might start another blog for various other stories I've written (like, just a writer's blog). Maybe.
Anyways, here's the blog: http://tiamothestory.blogspot.com/
Dunno how often it will update. XD
Thanks to all of you who wished me a happy birthday on wednesday! I didn't do much... but school work. Birthdays during the week suck. (wait, that sounded weird.)
anyways.
of to bed with me. ||D
Monday, September 19, 2011
The internet sucks when I'm sitting on my dorm room floor
More than it does when I'm sitting on my desk.
In case you're wondering why I'm on my floor... its because I was scanning stuff for a friend who couldn't attend my flute class on friday. I'm a nice person and I was scanning the notes for him...
I also scanned the colored version of that Wave bust I drew a while ago.
On a completely unrelated note to the picture above, I got a free pie from work the other day. Why? I don't know. Maybe my boss loves me, or maybe he liked the fact that I was being a smart ass with him...
See, usually my boss lets us (the workers) take some of the food back to our rooms with us, since we work the dinner shift at the dining halls on saturdays, which means that we miss our dinner time (the dining halls close at 6:30 on fridays and weekends). So yeah, he let's us take food back with us, AFTER the dining hall closes and as we're getting rid of the food. Anyways, I was working the Pizza/Vegan station on saturday, and in the midst of working there, my boss asked my co-worker and I to do some of the desserts (like, cut them up and plate them... and put them on the dessert table right outside the Vegan/Pizza/Exhibition area). So we did so... and in the little mobile shelf thingy that was carrying the desserts were four pies.
At the end of the shift, as we were like... putting pizza on our plates to take back to our rooms for dinner (haha, so is the life of a college student...), my boss walks through... The conversation that I had with him was as follows:
Me: Hey Spencer, what if I ask you if I could take some sliced cake back to my dorm with my dinner? (jokingly)
Boss: Oh, go right ahead. (starts to head towards the kitchen)
Me: ... what if I take a whole pie? (again, jokingly)
Boss: That's fine. Be my guest. (literally leaves XD)
Me: ... WHAT REALLY?
Boss: Yeah, sure. I don't care. (leaves for the Entree section of the dining hall)
Co-worker: O_O ... Duuude, I'm totally taking a whole pie... SPENCER, CAN I TAKE ONE TOO?
Boss: GO AHEAD~
Me: Whoa, BEST DAY EVER!!!
So, myself and two other co-workers took whole Berry Rhubarb pies back to our rooms. Needless to say, I have become everyone's best friend because of so.
... I should probably do my homework now... ||D
In case you're wondering why I'm on my floor... its because I was scanning stuff for a friend who couldn't attend my flute class on friday. I'm a nice person and I was scanning the notes for him...
I also scanned the colored version of that Wave bust I drew a while ago.
 | |
| I don't know why I wanted to do this in marker, to be honest. It turned out alright for the most part, in my opinion. I just realized that after I did his hair that I didn't have enough colors to do it... oh well. Wave wears a lot of blue. And his jacket really isn't that bright... but oh well. I'm limited to my marker collection. I do still think he's hot though. I also don't really like using markers all that often... Oh well. And let it be known that doing gradients with markers that aren't copic brushes is EXTREMELY difficult... oh well. Enjoy anyways. |
On a completely unrelated note to the picture above, I got a free pie from work the other day. Why? I don't know. Maybe my boss loves me, or maybe he liked the fact that I was being a smart ass with him...
See, usually my boss lets us (the workers) take some of the food back to our rooms with us, since we work the dinner shift at the dining halls on saturdays, which means that we miss our dinner time (the dining halls close at 6:30 on fridays and weekends). So yeah, he let's us take food back with us, AFTER the dining hall closes and as we're getting rid of the food. Anyways, I was working the Pizza/Vegan station on saturday, and in the midst of working there, my boss asked my co-worker and I to do some of the desserts (like, cut them up and plate them... and put them on the dessert table right outside the Vegan/Pizza/Exhibition area). So we did so... and in the little mobile shelf thingy that was carrying the desserts were four pies.
At the end of the shift, as we were like... putting pizza on our plates to take back to our rooms for dinner (haha, so is the life of a college student...), my boss walks through... The conversation that I had with him was as follows:
Me: Hey Spencer, what if I ask you if I could take some sliced cake back to my dorm with my dinner? (jokingly)
Boss: Oh, go right ahead. (starts to head towards the kitchen)
Me: ... what if I take a whole pie? (again, jokingly)
Boss: That's fine. Be my guest. (literally leaves XD)
Me: ... WHAT REALLY?
Boss: Yeah, sure. I don't care. (leaves for the Entree section of the dining hall)
Co-worker: O_O ... Duuude, I'm totally taking a whole pie... SPENCER, CAN I TAKE ONE TOO?
Boss: GO AHEAD~
Me: Whoa, BEST DAY EVER!!!
So, myself and two other co-workers took whole Berry Rhubarb pies back to our rooms. Needless to say, I have become everyone's best friend because of so.
... I should probably do my homework now... ||D
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Oh boy ||D
So, I've been sick for the last week now... I came down with a cold. It hurts when I cough, and when I do cough, my head hurts too... and my nose is better than it was.
Joys, right? Who wants a cold when you're a music major? Considering that you need to BREATHE AND PLAY A WIND INSTRUMENT.
Because of this, the newest page for AWDBtD will be delayed for another week. I have it sitting right next to me, but I was kinda put out of commission for a couple of days and I've had no motivation to do so... and I feel like I need a little more time to ink it. I don't like rushing things and posting them.
StWOM will continue its same schedule, considering the first three chapters are like... done. After that, I have no idea.
Anyways. I turn 20 in like... a couple of days.
I've heard interesting conversations about birthdays over the last few days. And its really interesting to hear people's insights about them.
And now I don't know why I'm so excited for mine anymore XD
ugh... I think I'm going to turn in soon.... I'm tired.
Joys, right? Who wants a cold when you're a music major? Considering that you need to BREATHE AND PLAY A WIND INSTRUMENT.
Because of this, the newest page for AWDBtD will be delayed for another week. I have it sitting right next to me, but I was kinda put out of commission for a couple of days and I've had no motivation to do so... and I feel like I need a little more time to ink it. I don't like rushing things and posting them.
StWOM will continue its same schedule, considering the first three chapters are like... done. After that, I have no idea.
Anyways. I turn 20 in like... a couple of days.
I've heard interesting conversations about birthdays over the last few days. And its really interesting to hear people's insights about them.
And now I don't know why I'm so excited for mine anymore XD
ugh... I think I'm going to turn in soon.... I'm tired.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Another Image Post!
Yaaay.
I told y'all that I would have another update with pictures in it as soon as I finished my comic page... which took much longer than expected. I had a busy weekend... so I set my alarm for sunday morning to get up, scan stuff, and go.
So let's do this!
So yeah. I have nothing like... interesting to post today. I'll get to working on the colored version of Wave (in the previous post) at some point, probably after I practice and do homework.
Oh, so here is the chart I was talking about:
Athrun = a lot like Kree (er... Kas-Kree); outgoing, bossy, etc etc. But he would be smart, maybe a little too smart, and perhaps... a little trouble maker.
Hikaru = probably a young Lance or shy Orna... he would probably be less likely to go out and do things outside the house. So if Athrun is a soldier, for example, Hikaru would be the one to like, do research from indoors. He would be very analytical, but very anti-social OR shy.
Alice = ... I kinda imagine her to be a very pretty girl XD She wouldn't be as outgoing as Athrun, but more of the... Ariada kind of type of person, you know? She’s probably going to be emotional, just like Orna, and very dependent on the person she’s with.
Kiri = Not exactly the opposite of Athrun, but he would probably be the saner of the two of them. He would be very "let's cut to the chase" and demand answers and tactful.
Umi = Pretty, but shy. Well, not the extreme kind of shy, but... Not very talkative, book-smart... Sensitive. She’ll probably be over protective of Kiri.
Kurtis = a less, scary looking Forseth; athletic, and again, not very talkative. He keeps to himself a lot, and everyone views him as scary, even though he’s very friendly. (so like, Forseth aura, Haseo personality?). He prefers not to fight.
Iris = VERY freakin outgoing. Flirtatious, likes to be adventurous. She takes after Surry for the majority of her behavior, but is tactical like Nore, and knows her limits.
And that's it for today!
And now I'm going to be like every other a-typical American and say: Never Forget; 9/11.
... in total complete and utterly unrelated news, I turn 20 in 10 days! Holy fuck.
I told y'all that I would have another update with pictures in it as soon as I finished my comic page... which took much longer than expected. I had a busy weekend... so I set my alarm for sunday morning to get up, scan stuff, and go.
So let's do this!
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| This is Yasu, the former Lightning Eternal, in the Magyk RP. She's super duper pretty and really friendly... she rarely every gets mad, and usually gives nicknames to people that end with "y" (so like, Wave, for example, was referred to as "Wavey"). She's got blond hair with electric blue tips (haha) and purple eyes. I... think that's it.... ... oh. She was Wave's first wife, btdubs. Rumor has it that she died giving birth to Wave and her's first child, but there are questions about that. She is ALSO Orna's closest (or was) friend, and treated her like a big sister. |
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| Yuuki Mythos and Francoise; I still think Yuuki is one of the hot ones. He usually has his waist length dark dark dark blue (appears to be black) out of a ponytail, but I decided to put it up in this one. Francoise belongs to my friend MK; she was hesitant in marrying Yuuki, and Yuuki, who's like... a shit ton older than her (he's like... actually, I have no idea. Lance is like, 28, Wave is... 34? Yuuki is their "cousin", but not really; he can't age XD). I forget the reason why she didn't want to even go near him at first... I'll have to ask MK sometime. |
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| Haha, so really, I would only know who these three are, unless you looked into my Humanities notebook from senior year of high school and saw the AU I did with Keits, Brek, Asch and Sturm. Caibre and Nereus are Keits' best friends, or followers rather (or part of his pack). Even though Keits is dating Asch (who's a light magyk, half-breed (dog/wolf)), and technically lycans aren't supposed to welcome those who are not purebloods into their pack, the two of them follow Keits' orders and will not attack Asch. Who would want to piss off their leader anyways? The girl standing between the two is a close friend with Caibre (possibly a mate?); I don't know much about her, because she hasn't been introduced into the RP yet. I do know, however, that she's a Fennic Fox demon (as opposed to a Lycan). If you were to put Keits, Caibre and Nereus into a room and describe them, Nereus is the more girly-innocent-youthful pup (who's not a pup anymore), Keits' is the leader-stubborn-flirtatious one, and Caibre is the muscular-wise-smart one. |
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| I got bored one night and started to draw the possible "future" versions of the kids in the Magyk RP (well, the young kids at least). Athrun, Hikaru and Alice all belong to Orna; Athrun is a cross between Dunisun/Kree-Lance and Orna, because... ah, long story. Don't feel like explaining XD In other words, Hikaru is the only child that belongs to Lance. Kiri and Umi belong to Wave (except for Umi, who's not really his daughter, but she was brought into existence for... a reason I don't feel like explaining at the moment. Ask MK). Kurtis is Forseth's and Crissa's second child (their first is Eileen, who's like, 20 right now, and I was only drawing the young children). Then there is Iris, who's the only child of Surry and Nore. Each child is like, based off of how their parents act. I'll post a description of them after I finish the captions XD |
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| This. Is an inside joke between Nikira and I. I forget how it started, but I imagine that Kid!Asch (which is that fan character I posted a post back; he's Tear's and Luke's son) would be EXACTLY like the original Asch, especially with the fact that he NEVER smiles. So, I was kinda playing on with the idea... and this was born. PLEASE FOLLOW THE ARROWS. And btw, Mr. Snuggliekins was a name that Nikira came up with XD |
So yeah. I have nothing like... interesting to post today. I'll get to working on the colored version of Wave (in the previous post) at some point, probably after I practice and do homework.
Oh, so here is the chart I was talking about:
Athrun = a lot like Kree (er... Kas-Kree); outgoing, bossy, etc etc. But he would be smart, maybe a little too smart, and perhaps... a little trouble maker.
Hikaru = probably a young Lance or shy Orna... he would probably be less likely to go out and do things outside the house. So if Athrun is a soldier, for example, Hikaru would be the one to like, do research from indoors. He would be very analytical, but very anti-social OR shy.
Alice = ... I kinda imagine her to be a very pretty girl XD She wouldn't be as outgoing as Athrun, but more of the... Ariada kind of type of person, you know? She’s probably going to be emotional, just like Orna, and very dependent on the person she’s with.
Kiri = Not exactly the opposite of Athrun, but he would probably be the saner of the two of them. He would be very "let's cut to the chase" and demand answers and tactful.
Umi = Pretty, but shy. Well, not the extreme kind of shy, but... Not very talkative, book-smart... Sensitive. She’ll probably be over protective of Kiri.
Kurtis = a less, scary looking Forseth; athletic, and again, not very talkative. He keeps to himself a lot, and everyone views him as scary, even though he’s very friendly. (so like, Forseth aura, Haseo personality?). He prefers not to fight.
Iris = VERY freakin outgoing. Flirtatious, likes to be adventurous. She takes after Surry for the majority of her behavior, but is tactical like Nore, and knows her limits.
And that's it for today!
And now I'm going to be like every other a-typical American and say: Never Forget; 9/11.
... in total complete and utterly unrelated news, I turn 20 in 10 days! Holy fuck.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Image Dump!
I haven't updated in a while... I got caught up in school ||D
I totally did not have class today. For the past 4 days, it had been raining, so there was some major flooding. So, I received a text message (and phone call) around 6 AM, telling me that morning classes were cancelled, and class would resume with the 1 PM classes. So there went ALL my music classes for today... because the majority of my music classes are in the morning. I made a mental note that I still had to be up to warm up for my trombone lesson later... so I got up... around 11, got lunch, and warmed up (rather, tried to XD). Before I left my room to go eat lunch, I check my email to make sure that my studio professor didn't cancel lessons (he shouldn't; he lives right outside the campus), and BAM. Email from my Western Civilization Professor saying that all her classes are cancelled for today due to the flooding.
So I had no class today. So I practiced for the majority of the day (lesson at 1, then practiced from 2-4:30ish, which makes a total of 3:30 hours of playing). As a music major, we're supposed to practice for as long as we can; the best students practice more than 5 hours a day (not all at once). I'll get to start practicing for up to four hours soon once I start warming up at 8 AM.
Anyways, so... I have pictures to post! YAY :D I don't recommend full-viewing them because I was too lazy to resize them.... ^^U
And that's it for my doodle dump. I have like, other sketches and stuff sitting next to me, but I don't feel like scanning them at the moment. I will when I finish the manga page for It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn, which, as it stands, won't be completed until Saturday night.
AND ALSO.
I would like to put out some word for a good friend of mine (I know a lot of people don't check my blog often, but its worth a shot, right?) is doing commissions, and she really needs the money. She's a great artist, and an awesome friend... I think y'all should buy something from her. She's really REALLY talented!! DO IT. I COMMAND THEE.
Check her out ---> http://nikira12.deviantart.com/
Anyways... I'm off to go draw for a little bit, and possibly sleep. I have an 8 AM class tomorrow ||D And then I'm going to a party... even though I don't drink and do stuff that I'm not supposed to, I'm going because a) I was invited and b) its technically a studio party.
OFF I GO.
I totally did not have class today. For the past 4 days, it had been raining, so there was some major flooding. So, I received a text message (and phone call) around 6 AM, telling me that morning classes were cancelled, and class would resume with the 1 PM classes. So there went ALL my music classes for today... because the majority of my music classes are in the morning. I made a mental note that I still had to be up to warm up for my trombone lesson later... so I got up... around 11, got lunch, and warmed up (rather, tried to XD). Before I left my room to go eat lunch, I check my email to make sure that my studio professor didn't cancel lessons (he shouldn't; he lives right outside the campus), and BAM. Email from my Western Civilization Professor saying that all her classes are cancelled for today due to the flooding.
So I had no class today. So I practiced for the majority of the day (lesson at 1, then practiced from 2-4:30ish, which makes a total of 3:30 hours of playing). As a music major, we're supposed to practice for as long as we can; the best students practice more than 5 hours a day (not all at once). I'll get to start practicing for up to four hours soon once I start warming up at 8 AM.
Anyways, so... I have pictures to post! YAY :D I don't recommend full-viewing them because I was too lazy to resize them.... ^^U
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| Tales of the Abyss; Chibi Asch and Luke, and in the back is the final Luke you see at the end of the game. One day, I'll color this... maybe. I kinda liked it just inked. |
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| Tales of the Abyss: Uhm, well, these are fan characters named after two characters in the game. The kids here are children of the couples next to their names XD |
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| Magyk OC: Wave Mythos :D I'll find some time to color him this weekend, because he's hot and deserves to be colored. Besides, he's a neat character to color. Did I mention that I think he's hot? He, Lance and Yuuki (their cousin) are all really good looking, IMO. And his nose. HIS NOSE. I think it came out waaaaay too amazing. |
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| Magyk Boyz: I believe I mentioned this a few blog posts ago... I finally got around to inking it, and I don't think I'll color it. I kinda like it inked... as for the second part of this, I need more time to work on the sketch because I'm having a terrible time with heights again XD THEY'RE ALL SO FREAKISHLY TALL (the tallest in this one is Forseth, standing at 7'6". He's huge). Its hard to draw tall guys too because their body proportions start to get all outta whack, and then they look REALLY disproportionate. I also realize that Yuuki is not in this picture... which makes me sad. Lance and Wave are though. I also meant to put a cigarette in Surry's mouth, but that didn't happen... whoops. |
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| I like this... despite that Forseth, yet again, looks like he has some serious problems going on due to the angle of his head, I like it. Crissa's hand, I realize, is also too small. That was my fault while I was inking the image... because I went to reduce the length of the arm, and I made the hand a little too small. Oh well. She has small hands. I mean, if you really want to, you can imagine that her hand is at an angle, making it appear smaller than it is. And her hair looked a lot better in just pencil.... I, yet again, want to kill my pens XD |
And that's it for my doodle dump. I have like, other sketches and stuff sitting next to me, but I don't feel like scanning them at the moment. I will when I finish the manga page for It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn, which, as it stands, won't be completed until Saturday night.
AND ALSO.
I would like to put out some word for a good friend of mine (I know a lot of people don't check my blog often, but its worth a shot, right?) is doing commissions, and she really needs the money. She's a great artist, and an awesome friend... I think y'all should buy something from her. She's really REALLY talented!! DO IT. I COMMAND THEE.
Check her out ---> http://nikira12.deviantart.com/
Anyways... I'm off to go draw for a little bit, and possibly sleep. I have an 8 AM class tomorrow ||D And then I'm going to a party... even though I don't drink and do stuff that I'm not supposed to, I'm going because a) I was invited and b) its technically a studio party.
OFF I GO.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Oh my goooooood DX
Why is it so hot? Like, seriously.... its currently 73 degrees Fahrenheit, with 93% humidity. And its 1 AM.
It is fucking MISERABLE.
And I didn't bring any shorts to school... because its supposed to be like, cool. Not beach-like weather. And to top it off, our dorms don't supply air conditioning, so it makes it VERY difficult to sleep.
Anyways...
So, many pep talks later and after friends spent a couple of hours trying to cheer me up, I'm better. Kind of. I'm still being hard on myself, but I'm better.
... I had some purpose to updating this blog, but now I can't remember.
...
I'm just going to post this and let you all know that I'm alive and okay. I have work at 1:3o PM, so I should get some sleep...
It is fucking MISERABLE.
And I didn't bring any shorts to school... because its supposed to be like, cool. Not beach-like weather. And to top it off, our dorms don't supply air conditioning, so it makes it VERY difficult to sleep.
Anyways...
So, many pep talks later and after friends spent a couple of hours trying to cheer me up, I'm better. Kind of. I'm still being hard on myself, but I'm better.
... I had some purpose to updating this blog, but now I can't remember.
...
I'm just going to post this and let you all know that I'm alive and okay. I have work at 1:3o PM, so I should get some sleep...
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
...
Needless to say I had a shitty audition.
Like, I'm not even being like, sarcastic or putting myself down here, I literally had the worst audition ever. I just... I don't know.
I already know what to expect when I go into my first lesson now. To hear that I did completely shitty during my audition. I don't know /what/ went wrong. I even messed up during my solo, which I was completely comfortable with before hand. I wasn't exactly nervous going in.
I don't know.
I kind of want to go to sleep and try not to think about it.
=_=
Like, I'm not even being like, sarcastic or putting myself down here, I literally had the worst audition ever. I just... I don't know.
I already know what to expect when I go into my first lesson now. To hear that I did completely shitty during my audition. I don't know /what/ went wrong. I even messed up during my solo, which I was completely comfortable with before hand. I wasn't exactly nervous going in.
I don't know.
I kind of want to go to sleep and try not to think about it.
=_=
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Back and still trying not to be stressed
Being stressed before an audition is the worst thing possible, because then you get really nervous... and yadda yadda.
Anyways, I'm all moved in and stuff... unpacked... and... uh... yeah.
I have TWO classes tomorrow, which is a scary thought. I'm not supposed to have free time D:
... I'm tired. I'm just going to post this blog and be done with it XD
Anyways, I'm all moved in and stuff... unpacked... and... uh... yeah.
I have TWO classes tomorrow, which is a scary thought. I'm not supposed to have free time D:
... I'm tired. I'm just going to post this blog and be done with it XD
Monday, August 29, 2011
Kinda stressed and a little upset.
Every. Single. Freakin'. Road. was BLOCKED OFF.
I was supposed to have a chorus audition tomorrow (tuesday), and I have a seating audition on wednesday. But by the looks of it, I won't get to school until either late Tuesday or early wednesday.... I'm so stressed out. I seriously did not need this on top of nerves for auditions... I kind of want to curl up and cry at the moment.
On top of all that, seeing and hearing about all the damage that was done from the hurricane is just... its really sad and a little disturbing.
All that damage took out all the routes to school as well... and the damage? Houses on bridges. HOUSES. And missing bodies. And let's not forget about the flooding.
So we came back home. There wasn't anything else we could do other than just turn around and try again later.
... I don't know. I'm a little stressed out at the moment, like, to the point where I just don't want to play trombone or anything. I just want to lay down on my bed and just... lay there.
I was supposed to have a chorus audition tomorrow (tuesday), and I have a seating audition on wednesday. But by the looks of it, I won't get to school until either late Tuesday or early wednesday.... I'm so stressed out. I seriously did not need this on top of nerves for auditions... I kind of want to curl up and cry at the moment.
On top of all that, seeing and hearing about all the damage that was done from the hurricane is just... its really sad and a little disturbing.
All that damage took out all the routes to school as well... and the damage? Houses on bridges. HOUSES. And missing bodies. And let's not forget about the flooding.
So we came back home. There wasn't anything else we could do other than just turn around and try again later.
... I don't know. I'm a little stressed out at the moment, like, to the point where I just don't want to play trombone or anything. I just want to lay down on my bed and just... lay there.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Let's do this.
(*puts on sunglasses and folds arms*)
Sophomore year: challenge accepted.
Hurricane Irene: Survived. No damage dealt.
Anyways, I'm leaving for school tomorrow. Dunno what time yet, but... yup. I'm all packed and ready to go. Totally not prepared enough for my seating auditions though DX
I had this really weird Tales of the Abyss related dream during my nap today (I went to bed really late, woke up early... so I ended up passing out after I took a shower)... it initially started off as me running around campus, making a fool of myself, being disowned by my friends up at school, and then somehow, me chasing after Tear from the game... and I was turned into Luke. It was REALLY weird. I have no idea how it went from me chasing down a professor for band music to me chasing down Tear. But as I (Luke) hugged Tear, she turned into my cat, and when I abruptly woke up, I was smothering my cat.
I think my cat was more terrified than I was.
Nala's over it now, though. She's been running around, hanging out with me (she knows when I'm about to leave, its rather cute).
In the meantime, I've been working on a new picture (rather, two of them now) of all my male characters in Magyk (the one's I own, so there will be no Sisco, Haseo, Dunisun, Taiko/Lucas, etc etc). I couldn't fit all of them on one sheet (I'm using my small drawing pad XD), so I'm moving it to two pages. And I'm putting them in like... black outfits so that I don't have to do details on the clothes and stuff, since they're REALLY small... and because I thought it would look cool. BUT ANYWHO.
Characters involved on the first one: Nahil, Wave, Eizen, Hikariko, Itzal, Forseth, Lance, Surry and Morph (aka, Rune)
Second one: Keits, Brek, Alastron, Yuuki, Kree, Eko, Huntz, Akio and Ashtaroth.
They're all pretty good-looking, in my opinion. Especially Lance, Wave and Yuuki XD (Wave and Lance are brothers, Yuuki is their cousin). I have a bust shot of Wave coming up; I just need to outline and color it. I might do one of Lance and Yuuki if I feel up to it.
My guys are fun to draw ||D
-- !!! OH MY GOD. My bed is creaking D: This is a sad day... and its going to drive me INSANE.
I got an email from my roommate earlier today saying that our new dorm room was big, which makes me happy (and kind of in the mood of "I told you so"). The new building that we're living in was one of my top choices to live in last year, and she didn't believe me XD I told her the rooms were bigger and stuff, but she wanted other rooms. Then again, I'm never good at voicing my opinions. Oh well. But I might take photos...
BTW. If you have my skype, feel free to chat with me :D I don't bite. And if you want to do a video chat or a voice chat, lemme know before hand, because sometimes I have skype open while I'm in class, and that wouldn't be good if someone's voice or the call tone suddenly went off in class. I can see that ending very well...
But yeah, I'm not mean.
Unless you catch me on a bad day or in the middle of a mood swing. I'll let you know before hand XD
I'm off to like, get some sleep before I leave tomorrow, because I have NO FREAKIN IDEA when my parents are going to wake me up to leave.
YEAH 5 HOUR CAR RIDES. WOOOOOOOOOOOO. [/sarcasm]
Ttyl, folks! I'll type an entry when I'm all unpacked and stuff.
And I'll have pictures of my dorm.
Yeah.
Sophomore year: challenge accepted.
Hurricane Irene: Survived. No damage dealt.
Anyways, I'm leaving for school tomorrow. Dunno what time yet, but... yup. I'm all packed and ready to go. Totally not prepared enough for my seating auditions though DX
I had this really weird Tales of the Abyss related dream during my nap today (I went to bed really late, woke up early... so I ended up passing out after I took a shower)... it initially started off as me running around campus, making a fool of myself, being disowned by my friends up at school, and then somehow, me chasing after Tear from the game... and I was turned into Luke. It was REALLY weird. I have no idea how it went from me chasing down a professor for band music to me chasing down Tear. But as I (Luke) hugged Tear, she turned into my cat, and when I abruptly woke up, I was smothering my cat.
I think my cat was more terrified than I was.
Nala's over it now, though. She's been running around, hanging out with me (she knows when I'm about to leave, its rather cute).
In the meantime, I've been working on a new picture (rather, two of them now) of all my male characters in Magyk (the one's I own, so there will be no Sisco, Haseo, Dunisun, Taiko/Lucas, etc etc). I couldn't fit all of them on one sheet (I'm using my small drawing pad XD), so I'm moving it to two pages. And I'm putting them in like... black outfits so that I don't have to do details on the clothes and stuff, since they're REALLY small... and because I thought it would look cool. BUT ANYWHO.
Characters involved on the first one: Nahil, Wave, Eizen, Hikariko, Itzal, Forseth, Lance, Surry and Morph (aka, Rune)
Second one: Keits, Brek, Alastron, Yuuki, Kree, Eko, Huntz, Akio and Ashtaroth.
They're all pretty good-looking, in my opinion. Especially Lance, Wave and Yuuki XD (Wave and Lance are brothers, Yuuki is their cousin). I have a bust shot of Wave coming up; I just need to outline and color it. I might do one of Lance and Yuuki if I feel up to it.
My guys are fun to draw ||D
-- !!! OH MY GOD. My bed is creaking D: This is a sad day... and its going to drive me INSANE.
I got an email from my roommate earlier today saying that our new dorm room was big, which makes me happy (and kind of in the mood of "I told you so"). The new building that we're living in was one of my top choices to live in last year, and she didn't believe me XD I told her the rooms were bigger and stuff, but she wanted other rooms. Then again, I'm never good at voicing my opinions. Oh well. But I might take photos...
BTW. If you have my skype, feel free to chat with me :D I don't bite. And if you want to do a video chat or a voice chat, lemme know before hand, because sometimes I have skype open while I'm in class, and that wouldn't be good if someone's voice or the call tone suddenly went off in class. I can see that ending very well...
But yeah, I'm not mean.
Unless you catch me on a bad day or in the middle of a mood swing. I'll let you know before hand XD
I'm off to like, get some sleep before I leave tomorrow, because I have NO FREAKIN IDEA when my parents are going to wake me up to leave.
YEAH 5 HOUR CAR RIDES. WOOOOOOOOOOOO. [/sarcasm]
Ttyl, folks! I'll type an entry when I'm all unpacked and stuff.
And I'll have pictures of my dorm.
Yeah.
Friday, August 26, 2011
No new updates
My comics are being put on a 1 week hiatus as I get ready for college (this includes packing AND practicing), so there will be no time for art.
Well, at least posting art XD I will be drawing.
Why am I packing so early?
Because I procrastinate, and its easier to get things done rather than just wait. And I decided to pack away my scanner and drawing stuff (except for my pencil and eraser and a sketch pad) so I'm not tempted.
And there's a freakin hurricane coming our way. I'm not scared, in fact... its really quite stupid. Regardless, I'm packing now so I don't have to worry about it during the storm and I can focus on practicing my ass off before next wednesday (I have auditions for seating ||D Yaaaay).
Anyways. I need to finish with stuff... so... OFF TO PACKING.
Well, at least posting art XD I will be drawing.
Why am I packing so early?
Because I procrastinate, and its easier to get things done rather than just wait. And I decided to pack away my scanner and drawing stuff (except for my pencil and eraser and a sketch pad) so I'm not tempted.
And there's a freakin hurricane coming our way. I'm not scared, in fact... its really quite stupid. Regardless, I'm packing now so I don't have to worry about it during the storm and I can focus on practicing my ass off before next wednesday (I have auditions for seating ||D Yaaaay).
Anyways. I need to finish with stuff... so... OFF TO PACKING.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Hold on to what you got and never let it go.
Because within an instant, it could disappear. Just like that.
So, with that outta the way, I woke up today to hear that there was an earthquake. I mean, here where I am, we got the least of the quake, but when I heard where it was hit, I couldn't help but feel very worried.
See, my dad is out on a business trip, and he was one of those that felt close to the worst of it. I have friends who go to school close to where the center of the earthquake hit. I'm glad that the people I know are alright and well.
I know I get worried about things that are out of my control. I was fine earlier, I don't know why I suddenly feel so sad and so paranoid. Even practicing my trombone didn't help (in fact, I started to play for like, an hour, and I got to frustrated to play).
I can't help but feel that these sudden increase in earthquakes mean something. No, I'm not talking about 2012, I promise. I just feel like this is a message, a wake-up call. I'm not a very political person, but maybe this is a sign that we need to focus on what's going inside our own country instead of out in the world; while we are out trying to solve everyone else's problems, we can't even solve our own.
Maybe its just a sign that as a whole, we're letting the very planet we live on fall apart. Not just for war, hatred, and other things... not just because we're letting the environment fall... just, that we're failing to be one body. I'm not making a plea to everyone asking, "Put your differences aside and hold hands! Let's sing together!" or to stop what we're doing and stuff. Peace is an unachievable goal. Not because of where we're going, just because we, as humans, are far too different in our beliefs and such. We can't say that we're going to do something and expect everyone to be in agreement with it.
I'm not a religious person, so I'm not going to sit here and type that this is a message from whatever higher being that you believe in is telling us that we done goofed.
At this point, I don't even know what I'm typing anymore. That usually happens when I start to freewrite, no worries.
But let me pass along a message to all my friends: hold on to what you got and never let it go. Life is short, and you never realize that something is gone until its gone. Respect what you have, know your limitations, and don't screw it over.
---
Now, for the upside of this post: getting ready for your sophomore year at college is a pain in the ass. I constantly forget what I'm studying, and then I'm reminded that I don't have time for certain things anymore XD
I have no art to show, really. ^^U I've been spending time working on my story Ti Amo again, and I think I've decided to write a second story to it, after the one of the current main character. I get the feeling that if I really like Angela's story, I'll write Cole's story, because he does, as a matter of fact, have an important role and back story. I think it would be cool to do so... with all things considered XD See, originally, Ti Amo was (and still is) in first person, because its being told from Angela's perspective. I wasn't going to have this huge backstory for Cole (ooh, I know! Spoilers!), until... well, until I got out of highschool. So, I changed the perspective to... third person. And then, I didn't like writing it in third person, so I changed it back to first... and I didn't want to constantly change perspectives throughout the story... so, that's why. XD
Anyways... I think I'm either off to write some more, restart my laptop (After I run a scan on it), and/or play Tales of the Abyss (I've been unlocking costumes 8D I'm so excited!!! And like... getting a lot of things I never knew existed when I first played it. Hence why I have like, 50 guides open XDD)
^ Can you tell I don't usually play with game guides? A lot of the achievements in the game are completely hidden DX And, when I started the second playthrough, I initially started off without one and did a lot more exploring... so now, as I realized, I'm 20 levels above where I need to be XD (i.e, the recommended level for where I'm at is like... 52, I'm 73).
I burned my tongue and mouth on ramen earlier today, so my mouth hurts a lot at the moment. Drinking milk didn't help the burning much. Maybe I'll just drink some water between the sips of ginger ale (yay for upset tummies!). Anywho... I'm off!
And if you've read this far, if there are any pictures that you've seen on dA or would like me to draw, lemme know! I'm running out of ideas, and I'm just procrastinating with the 1oo Themes at the moment.
So, with that outta the way, I woke up today to hear that there was an earthquake. I mean, here where I am, we got the least of the quake, but when I heard where it was hit, I couldn't help but feel very worried.
See, my dad is out on a business trip, and he was one of those that felt close to the worst of it. I have friends who go to school close to where the center of the earthquake hit. I'm glad that the people I know are alright and well.
I know I get worried about things that are out of my control. I was fine earlier, I don't know why I suddenly feel so sad and so paranoid. Even practicing my trombone didn't help (in fact, I started to play for like, an hour, and I got to frustrated to play).
I can't help but feel that these sudden increase in earthquakes mean something. No, I'm not talking about 2012, I promise. I just feel like this is a message, a wake-up call. I'm not a very political person, but maybe this is a sign that we need to focus on what's going inside our own country instead of out in the world; while we are out trying to solve everyone else's problems, we can't even solve our own.
Maybe its just a sign that as a whole, we're letting the very planet we live on fall apart. Not just for war, hatred, and other things... not just because we're letting the environment fall... just, that we're failing to be one body. I'm not making a plea to everyone asking, "Put your differences aside and hold hands! Let's sing together!" or to stop what we're doing and stuff. Peace is an unachievable goal. Not because of where we're going, just because we, as humans, are far too different in our beliefs and such. We can't say that we're going to do something and expect everyone to be in agreement with it.
I'm not a religious person, so I'm not going to sit here and type that this is a message from whatever higher being that you believe in is telling us that we done goofed.
At this point, I don't even know what I'm typing anymore. That usually happens when I start to freewrite, no worries.
But let me pass along a message to all my friends: hold on to what you got and never let it go. Life is short, and you never realize that something is gone until its gone. Respect what you have, know your limitations, and don't screw it over.
---
Now, for the upside of this post: getting ready for your sophomore year at college is a pain in the ass. I constantly forget what I'm studying, and then I'm reminded that I don't have time for certain things anymore XD
I have no art to show, really. ^^U I've been spending time working on my story Ti Amo again, and I think I've decided to write a second story to it, after the one of the current main character. I get the feeling that if I really like Angela's story, I'll write Cole's story, because he does, as a matter of fact, have an important role and back story. I think it would be cool to do so... with all things considered XD See, originally, Ti Amo was (and still is) in first person, because its being told from Angela's perspective. I wasn't going to have this huge backstory for Cole (ooh, I know! Spoilers!), until... well, until I got out of highschool. So, I changed the perspective to... third person. And then, I didn't like writing it in third person, so I changed it back to first... and I didn't want to constantly change perspectives throughout the story... so, that's why. XD
Anyways... I think I'm either off to write some more, restart my laptop (After I run a scan on it), and/or play Tales of the Abyss (I've been unlocking costumes 8D I'm so excited!!! And like... getting a lot of things I never knew existed when I first played it. Hence why I have like, 50 guides open XDD)
^ Can you tell I don't usually play with game guides? A lot of the achievements in the game are completely hidden DX And, when I started the second playthrough, I initially started off without one and did a lot more exploring... so now, as I realized, I'm 20 levels above where I need to be XD (i.e, the recommended level for where I'm at is like... 52, I'm 73).
I burned my tongue and mouth on ramen earlier today, so my mouth hurts a lot at the moment. Drinking milk didn't help the burning much. Maybe I'll just drink some water between the sips of ginger ale (yay for upset tummies!). Anywho... I'm off!
And if you've read this far, if there are any pictures that you've seen on dA or would like me to draw, lemme know! I'm running out of ideas, and I'm just procrastinating with the 1oo Themes at the moment.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Shameless self-promotion
My webcomics:
It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn (http://awdbd.smackjeeves.com/ ), is a BL manga based on two characters of an RP a friend and I do. I'm not the biggest fan of shounen-ai or anything of the sort, but their story is so... cute, that I had to illustrate it. My friend is the author of the story, we both share the characters, and I illustrate.
Someone to Watch Over Me (http://stwom.smackjeeves.com/ ), is a pencomic that I had started to post on dA, but I took it off because I kinda left the site. But anyways, click it. CLICK IT. I promise you that it gets better (story and art XD), and do tell me what you think c:
Both comics allow guest comments, so feel free to comment if you'd like. And if you really want to, the Bionicle Manga is still up on my smackjeeves account, so you can read it to the point where it stopped. But be aware... I turned off guest-commenting because I had too many flammers coming in and telling me that it was shit. Sorry.
Anyways, so I was thinking... that I might open up a new blog for my story Ti Amo. I do have a fictionpress account, but I'm far from lazy to figure out how to work the site or to start logging in again. Maybe... tell me what you guys think and if you are interested in reading it.
I'm off to doodle for a little bit, if I don't pass out (since it is, well, 2 AM).
The previews for Dark Matters on the Science Channel are really quite interesting and creepy... I kinda want to go watch the show... (even though its not going to be on for a while).
It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn (http://awdbd.smackjeeves.com/ ), is a BL manga based on two characters of an RP a friend and I do. I'm not the biggest fan of shounen-ai or anything of the sort, but their story is so... cute, that I had to illustrate it. My friend is the author of the story, we both share the characters, and I illustrate.
Someone to Watch Over Me (http://stwom.smackjeeves.com/ ), is a pencomic that I had started to post on dA, but I took it off because I kinda left the site. But anyways, click it. CLICK IT. I promise you that it gets better (story and art XD), and do tell me what you think c:
Both comics allow guest comments, so feel free to comment if you'd like. And if you really want to, the Bionicle Manga is still up on my smackjeeves account, so you can read it to the point where it stopped. But be aware... I turned off guest-commenting because I had too many flammers coming in and telling me that it was shit. Sorry.
Anyways, so I was thinking... that I might open up a new blog for my story Ti Amo. I do have a fictionpress account, but I'm far from lazy to figure out how to work the site or to start logging in again. Maybe... tell me what you guys think and if you are interested in reading it.
I'm off to doodle for a little bit, if I don't pass out (since it is, well, 2 AM).
The previews for Dark Matters on the Science Channel are really quite interesting and creepy... I kinda want to go watch the show... (even though its not going to be on for a while).
Friday, August 19, 2011
ADSfkaljdsf.
The most creative title ever, I know. Its the title for my newest book (no, not really.)
So, if there's a god, he decided to smite me today. And for the next week. So I apologize if I am lethargic and slow and... very sarcastic for the next few posts. ||D Yaaaay...
It looks like Its Always Darkest Before the Dawn will be updated tomorrow (Saturday) instead of today due to me not feeling well and stuff like that. But the page is half way complete, so it won't take too long to finish. (Well, kind of. I had some paneling issues with this page, and other fun things that I'm trying to figure out...)
Someone to Watch Over Me will be updated tonight (if I get around to it), because all it takes is me plugging my laptop into my external hard drive.
In complete other news, I'm getting ready to go back to college, so that means... textbooks! Its a good thing I'm a music major, because a lot of my textbooks are either carried over into a different class or are reused for the next few semesters. I only have to buy... 3 books for one class (Yeah, I know. 3??), and rent one for another.
I'm kinda curious as to where I'm going to get the money for this though.
And I'm going to start working again once school starts (like, job wise), so my schedule's gonna be tight. Like, uber tight.
And I'm still trying to find a way to bring a cheap TV up to school, for like... movie nights and stuff like that.
No, I'm totally not planning to bring my PS2 up to play Tales of the Abyss on the weekends... or anything else. (well, technically, I like having a TV so I can have movie nights ^^U).
And it totally keeps dawning on me that I'm turning 20 in like, a month. Egads.
So, I'm totally going to go lay back down... after I retrieve dirty laundry from my room and after we go to Staples (maybe) to look at school supplies and a new printer/scanner (for those who don't know, my current printer/scanner was murdered by a paperclip.)
So, if there's a god, he decided to smite me today. And for the next week. So I apologize if I am lethargic and slow and... very sarcastic for the next few posts. ||D Yaaaay...
It looks like Its Always Darkest Before the Dawn will be updated tomorrow (Saturday) instead of today due to me not feeling well and stuff like that. But the page is half way complete, so it won't take too long to finish. (Well, kind of. I had some paneling issues with this page, and other fun things that I'm trying to figure out...)
Someone to Watch Over Me will be updated tonight (if I get around to it), because all it takes is me plugging my laptop into my external hard drive.
In complete other news, I'm getting ready to go back to college, so that means... textbooks! Its a good thing I'm a music major, because a lot of my textbooks are either carried over into a different class or are reused for the next few semesters. I only have to buy... 3 books for one class (Yeah, I know. 3??), and rent one for another.
I'm kinda curious as to where I'm going to get the money for this though.
And I'm going to start working again once school starts (like, job wise), so my schedule's gonna be tight. Like, uber tight.
And I'm still trying to find a way to bring a cheap TV up to school, for like... movie nights and stuff like that.
No, I'm totally not planning to bring my PS2 up to play Tales of the Abyss on the weekends... or anything else. (well, technically, I like having a TV so I can have movie nights ^^U).
And it totally keeps dawning on me that I'm turning 20 in like, a month. Egads.
So, I'm totally going to go lay back down... after I retrieve dirty laundry from my room and after we go to Staples (maybe) to look at school supplies and a new printer/scanner (for those who don't know, my current printer/scanner was murdered by a paperclip.)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Look, more art!
And guess what?
I got my new Tales of the Abyss disk today 8D Big surprise, and I owe my mom a lot DX My brothers had a doctor's appointment today, and we were going to go out to lunch somewhere with my dad and eldest brother, but both of them couldn't make it (because they both had a meeting at work), so... my youngest brother is like, "Hey Nik! The mall is like, right nearby... we should go over there so you can buy your game!" speaking of which, I need to pay my parents back for that... although, I'm just a few dollars short in cash ||D So, my mom brought us out to lunch close to the mall, and then she dropped us off, so I could run in to the GameStop to make sure they had the game.
Thank god they had it, because there was no way I was trying to convince my parents to drive 30 minutes away to a game store.
So I'm a happy clam.
And then, a good friend of mine and I were up til 5 AM the other day drawing a comic based on Asch and Luke XD (she drew Asch, and I drew Luke). It was fun XD
Here's the first part: http://nikira12.deviantart.com/gallery/?catpath=/#/d46qr3v
Its PURE CRACK. Oh my god XD
And, I have another picture for y'all!
This here is Alastron. The sexy Demon Lord of the Magyk RP.
The picture didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it... but oh well. His right eye bugs me the most. Just because the pupil looks too big... and that was an inking error DX I tried to fix it. And I failed. Oh well.
His left eye... I'm not sure if you can see it, but I put so much freakin detail into that eye. Like, you would not believe.
And I like coloring hair. XD
I have waaay too many characters with black hair..... haaaaa.
Maybe I'll draw Lucas or Taiko next, just for the hell of it.
and its almost 5 AM again... (the time post thingy lies. And I'm too lazy to fix it.)
I need to sleep ||D
Monday, August 15, 2011
Rain rain rain...
It started to rain outside today. And we all know what happens when it rains... I sleep.
A lot.
Anyways, for a lack of a good reason to update my blog, I bring you a picture of a new character of mine, Nahil.
Who's name really doesn't mean anything if you look it up.
Its just Nahil. And sounds like "Nah-Hill".
You tell me if he is a bird or an angel... in my friend's and my RP, angel's usually have white hair. But there have been other cases where an angel will have black hair, or some other color... but the most common is white.
I'm trying to decide if he's a bird (most likely a raven, judging by his wing color) or an angel, due to his snotty attitude and cocky behavior.
Isn't he lovely?
Let it be known that I will NEVER attempt to draw wings again. They're a pain to draw.
... well, this is the reason why I wanted to update.
The End.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
I was at the shore today!
And I told one of my friends that I was going to finish the last panel for our manga on the way down, but turns out that I was the person with the map, so... that didn't happen.
So, I'm going to go finish it asap.
Ready for a depressing story?
Here we go~
So, we were driving home, and still on the highway (we were a good... 30 minutes away from our house), and all of the sudden, the opposite lane is like, completely empty. Then we saw a cop, with standing with a lady who had this blue SUV pulled over on the far left side of the road. I mean, at least I thought that the cop pulled her over for speeding... until we saw a second car. So, second thought: Oh, minor accident.; Nope, that wasn't true either. As we passed this sand-gold minivan, we noticed that there was a MAJOR dent in the side of it. My dad made the comment that the car must have flipped; there was no one inside, so I'm assuming that they were taken to the hospital or something already.
And then we saw it.
The real damage.
A few feet in front of that minivan, there was a car laying on its roof. I had my iPod in playing really creepy music, so I had to pause it... and I couldn't help myself from gasping. There was glass ALL OVER the road, bits and pieces of the tires... and cops all over the place. My mom had to catch her breath (she lost her boyfriend MANY years ago to a car accident), and my dad quietly said, "Yup... someone's dead..." and sure enough, he was right. My mom told all of us to look away, but you know, curiosity killed the cat, and I wanted to see how much I could take it.
The cops were standing over this like... mound. The mound was covered in a yellow jacket or blanket... so...
... (shudders)
I hate passing car accidents DX I should be like, numbed out to it by now because of those stupid Texting and Driving videos/commercials on YouTube (they're not really stupid, just really graphic).
Now we all know why I hate driving on highways, texting/handling a cellphone while driving, and speeding.
Now we all know why I am like, always following the speedlimit, or finding an alternative to driving, because there are freakin' idiots on the road DX
My message to my friends here watching and reading this post: PLEASE please be safe with what you do. Don't do anything stupid that can risk your life or others around you.
I'm kinda freaked out that it happened closer to home, so I'm really hoping that my friends here in CT say something on my status to let me know that they're alright....
...
Anyways, on a slightly more depressing note (yay XD), my Tales of the Abyss is dead. I don't know what happened to it, so I'm just going to buy a new one. I'm probably going to bring it into the game store to see what they have to say, and still order the one from the other store (which is 30 minutes away from my house, and involves going on the highway).
And my older brother wants to buy Grandia 3 (we borrowed it from a friend a few years back, and now we want to play it again xD), but that's a good... 27 miles away from home, so we're just seeing if it can be brought over to the store that's like... just a couple of minutes away from our house.
SO YEAH.
ANYWAYS.
Going to have my comics updated by the end of tonight, so... if you're reading them, keep your eyes peeled!
So, I'm going to go finish it asap.
Ready for a depressing story?
Here we go~
So, we were driving home, and still on the highway (we were a good... 30 minutes away from our house), and all of the sudden, the opposite lane is like, completely empty. Then we saw a cop, with standing with a lady who had this blue SUV pulled over on the far left side of the road. I mean, at least I thought that the cop pulled her over for speeding... until we saw a second car. So, second thought: Oh, minor accident.; Nope, that wasn't true either. As we passed this sand-gold minivan, we noticed that there was a MAJOR dent in the side of it. My dad made the comment that the car must have flipped; there was no one inside, so I'm assuming that they were taken to the hospital or something already.
And then we saw it.
The real damage.
A few feet in front of that minivan, there was a car laying on its roof. I had my iPod in playing really creepy music, so I had to pause it... and I couldn't help myself from gasping. There was glass ALL OVER the road, bits and pieces of the tires... and cops all over the place. My mom had to catch her breath (she lost her boyfriend MANY years ago to a car accident), and my dad quietly said, "Yup... someone's dead..." and sure enough, he was right. My mom told all of us to look away, but you know, curiosity killed the cat, and I wanted to see how much I could take it.
The cops were standing over this like... mound. The mound was covered in a yellow jacket or blanket... so...
... (shudders)
I hate passing car accidents DX I should be like, numbed out to it by now because of those stupid Texting and Driving videos/commercials on YouTube (they're not really stupid, just really graphic).
Now we all know why I hate driving on highways, texting/handling a cellphone while driving, and speeding.
Now we all know why I am like, always following the speedlimit, or finding an alternative to driving, because there are freakin' idiots on the road DX
My message to my friends here watching and reading this post: PLEASE please be safe with what you do. Don't do anything stupid that can risk your life or others around you.
I'm kinda freaked out that it happened closer to home, so I'm really hoping that my friends here in CT say something on my status to let me know that they're alright....
...
Anyways, on a slightly more depressing note (yay XD), my Tales of the Abyss is dead. I don't know what happened to it, so I'm just going to buy a new one. I'm probably going to bring it into the game store to see what they have to say, and still order the one from the other store (which is 30 minutes away from my house, and involves going on the highway).
And my older brother wants to buy Grandia 3 (we borrowed it from a friend a few years back, and now we want to play it again xD), but that's a good... 27 miles away from home, so we're just seeing if it can be brought over to the store that's like... just a couple of minutes away from our house.
SO YEAH.
ANYWAYS.
Going to have my comics updated by the end of tonight, so... if you're reading them, keep your eyes peeled!
Friday, August 12, 2011
PS2
My friend from dA, Nikira, recently got Tales of The Abyss and was talking about it the other day... and I own the game as well, so its a little hard to not spoil things for her XD
But so, I was playing it today because apparently, you can get different costumes in the game, which made me really happy XD I had only thought that they were in the japanese versions. Hmn.
So like, I'm playing along, and all of the sudden, my game starts glitching... like the sound files all of the sudden die. And now my game froze.
I somehow, vaguely, remember this happening in my first file. Maybe I'll try restarting (I'm waiting to see if it clears up or not.)
Anyways, on a different note, while I'm deciding whether or not to refresh my PS2, I saw The Help today.
It was released... this past Wednesday, in theaters, and it is based on a book. For those who have /no idea/ what its about, to sum it up, its about... well, the civil rights movements, and the story of black maids in the south (more specifically, Mississippi). The Help was a book written by a wanna-be journalist, who sees the hardships of these maids and wants to reveal to the nation what is going on. Of course, there was reluctance to write and share stories.
So, I went to go see the movie with my mom, who read the actual book prior to seeing the movie. I have yet to read the book, because I'm caught up in a different book at the moment.
The two things I got from the film:
1) If you haven't read the book, its a moving movie with multiple main characters, and focuses on the story before the book was written and then the aftermath... and the aftermath of that aftermath. Not having read the book, I thought that it was explained well and the issues were clearly shown.
2) If you read the book, a lot of the movie watered down a lot of the issues presented, left out some details, etc etc. When hasn't that happened before? While its still a moving movie to watch, it was lacking (so my mom says).
Because I don't do number ratings, I will say that this movie was enjoyable and inspirational to watch. There were characters that I really loved, and really, absolutely wanted to bitch slap.
Anywho, I'm going to go back to my game. Since it hasn't stopped being frozen, I'm just going to refresh my system... I'm really beginning to remember this happening last time I played this game, and a quick refresh fixed it.
Oh well.
Edit:
So I think my game is just plain damaged... I might make an effort to buy a new one, and put aside cosplay costumes I was going to save up for... oh well.
But so, I was playing it today because apparently, you can get different costumes in the game, which made me really happy XD I had only thought that they were in the japanese versions. Hmn.
So like, I'm playing along, and all of the sudden, my game starts glitching... like the sound files all of the sudden die. And now my game froze.
I somehow, vaguely, remember this happening in my first file. Maybe I'll try restarting (I'm waiting to see if it clears up or not.)
Anyways, on a different note, while I'm deciding whether or not to refresh my PS2, I saw The Help today.
It was released... this past Wednesday, in theaters, and it is based on a book. For those who have /no idea/ what its about, to sum it up, its about... well, the civil rights movements, and the story of black maids in the south (more specifically, Mississippi). The Help was a book written by a wanna-be journalist, who sees the hardships of these maids and wants to reveal to the nation what is going on. Of course, there was reluctance to write and share stories.
So, I went to go see the movie with my mom, who read the actual book prior to seeing the movie. I have yet to read the book, because I'm caught up in a different book at the moment.
The two things I got from the film:
1) If you haven't read the book, its a moving movie with multiple main characters, and focuses on the story before the book was written and then the aftermath... and the aftermath of that aftermath. Not having read the book, I thought that it was explained well and the issues were clearly shown.
2) If you read the book, a lot of the movie watered down a lot of the issues presented, left out some details, etc etc. When hasn't that happened before? While its still a moving movie to watch, it was lacking (so my mom says).
Because I don't do number ratings, I will say that this movie was enjoyable and inspirational to watch. There were characters that I really loved, and really, absolutely wanted to bitch slap.
Anywho, I'm going to go back to my game. Since it hasn't stopped being frozen, I'm just going to refresh my system... I'm really beginning to remember this happening last time I played this game, and a quick refresh fixed it.
Oh well.
Edit:
So I think my game is just plain damaged... I might make an effort to buy a new one, and put aside cosplay costumes I was going to save up for... oh well.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
So I must spew bad luck or something.
There's a story behind that, I swear.
To be perfectly honest, I think I must be like, emitting bad luck auras all over the place, because death is like, surrounding the people I care about.
Some literal death, some close to... and quite frankly, it scares me. I mean, I must be imagining things, and I try not to think about it too-too much.
But like, a good friend of mine recently got a hold of me and I was visiting her, and something was missing: her dog (who is... between 3-7 years old). She explained that her dog had a high fever and was low on red blood cells, so they (as in her family) took her to the vet to get her checked out. At the time, they couldn't pinpoint what was wrong, so they removed the spleen.
Yesterday, when I came downstairs from my room to hang out with my mom, my mom looked at me and said, "I got a call from Mrs.**********..." Perplexed, I asked what she needed, and I was half expecting to say that she wanted to get together for dinner or something. Turns out her dog had some sort of cancer, and was fatal. So... they had to put her down.
And just a day or two prior was I over my friend's house visiting, wishing that the dog was healthy.
So, I'm upset about this for two reasons: my friend has lost many pets over the years, and its devastating to see this happen to her and her family. Especially since the dog was so young.
Second, back in January, I lost my dog as well to some sort of bone cancer in the head. She was not much older than my friend's dog either... and you know, she was over my house the entire time that this was happening, supporting me. So I feel like a shitty friend not being there to support her in a time of loss.
A couple of days ago, I received a message from a good friend of mine from dA, that stated he lost his cousin to a motorcycle accident.
The night prior to that, another close friend of mine nearly lost her boyfriend. (I explained both of these in a post or two prior to this post).
So maybe its just me... but I feel like everywhere I go, disaster strikes. So I must have some sort of bad disease or something, right? I'm totally not thinking about this too much, nope.
Besides me feeling like I'm some sort of bad luck charms, I want to give my deepest apologies to my friends, and that I hope things get better for them.
... uuugh.... something fell in my eye and is making it buuuurn.... GAAAH. ALLERGIEEESS. CURSE YOU DUST.
To be perfectly honest, I think I must be like, emitting bad luck auras all over the place, because death is like, surrounding the people I care about.
Some literal death, some close to... and quite frankly, it scares me. I mean, I must be imagining things, and I try not to think about it too-too much.
But like, a good friend of mine recently got a hold of me and I was visiting her, and something was missing: her dog (who is... between 3-7 years old). She explained that her dog had a high fever and was low on red blood cells, so they (as in her family) took her to the vet to get her checked out. At the time, they couldn't pinpoint what was wrong, so they removed the spleen.
Yesterday, when I came downstairs from my room to hang out with my mom, my mom looked at me and said, "I got a call from Mrs.**********..." Perplexed, I asked what she needed, and I was half expecting to say that she wanted to get together for dinner or something. Turns out her dog had some sort of cancer, and was fatal. So... they had to put her down.
And just a day or two prior was I over my friend's house visiting, wishing that the dog was healthy.
So, I'm upset about this for two reasons: my friend has lost many pets over the years, and its devastating to see this happen to her and her family. Especially since the dog was so young.
Second, back in January, I lost my dog as well to some sort of bone cancer in the head. She was not much older than my friend's dog either... and you know, she was over my house the entire time that this was happening, supporting me. So I feel like a shitty friend not being there to support her in a time of loss.
A couple of days ago, I received a message from a good friend of mine from dA, that stated he lost his cousin to a motorcycle accident.
The night prior to that, another close friend of mine nearly lost her boyfriend. (I explained both of these in a post or two prior to this post).
So maybe its just me... but I feel like everywhere I go, disaster strikes. So I must have some sort of bad disease or something, right? I'm totally not thinking about this too much, nope.
Besides me feeling like I'm some sort of bad luck charms, I want to give my deepest apologies to my friends, and that I hope things get better for them.
... uuugh.... something fell in my eye and is making it buuuurn.... GAAAH. ALLERGIEEESS. CURSE YOU DUST.
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