Usually I'm complaining in this blog... I promised I wouldn't do that to people, but hey. C'est la vie.
But anyways. Highlight of my day today:
Nearly caught a ball at the Yankee Stadium. There's a story behind this, actually...
So like, its my youngest brother's 12th birthday, and he's a BIG Yankee fan, so my parents decided to buy him tickets to a game. So we all went. And this was my first time at a MLB game ^^U (I don't get out much, can you tell), and needless to say, I had fun. BUT ANYWAYS, so like, my brother really wanted to catch a ball. If you've ever been to a MLB game, the players run out to the field and toss a few balls back and forth, and then they toss the balls into the crowd (or at least the Yankees do). So like, Nick Swisher was out in the field a couple of times, and my brother was trying to get his attention (we were in the foul ball seats, btw). So, I'm sitting in my seat, and all of the sudden, I was all, "I'm gonna give this shit a try." So, I stand up and wave my arms to try and get his attention. Anyways, so a couple of innings go by, and FINALLY, at this one inning... I get his attention.
Of course, I was waving my arms around and jumping up and down like some crazy lunatic... but it got his attention.
He looked right at me, smiled, and nodded... and threw the ball at me.
... cept, some dude in front of me caught it.
Oh well.
I'm still in la-la land about that though. XD
AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE BASEBALL, WHAT'S UP WITH THIS.
I just have my favorite players.
Like Cole Hamels on the Phillies. Heeeeeee... (-shot-)
Second Highlight: I think I saw my ex's dad walk by me at some point during the game. It freaked me out. I have yet to send him a message (my ex, since we're friends XD) if his dad was at the game...
---- New Topic XD ----
So, those on dA know that a little while ago, I talked about this dude appearing in my dreams. So like, all the guys I have dreamed of (the ones that I had a really good connection with) seem to share some similar characteristics:
- dark hair (usually messy looking)
- intense eyes
- boney structured face
- tall, slight build
- around my age
- bad-boy attitude
- understanding and thinks things through.
Its really weird.
So like, last night (Friday night-saturday morning), I had another dream with a guy of similar features again. Except that this guy was in a band (my mind kept on screaming Hot Chelle Rae, but... there's a reason why its not that) and he played trombone (in a different dream, but same guy. Weird, huh?). You know, it followed a very... cute kind of plot, and I ended up dating him... and I think it did a fast forward where I viewed myself after we were married. Or something like that.
(There was a scene where I was standing in a bathroom, where there was red lighting, and there were photos hanging on the wall of the shower-tub; it kind of reminds me of those places where photographs were taken to get developed. And I was talking on the phone with my friend MK about what Theme I was on (from the 100 Theme Challenge XD).)
Anyways, so I got this one detail that NONE of my other dreams have given me about this guy: his name. And you know, because my mind wanted him to be the lead singer of HCR, I had to look up the name of the members again just to make sure. Turns out it wasn't him.
But I remember thinking while dreaming that "This guys name can't be this name... because it resembles the dude from Fall Out Boy... whom I don't even like...".
My mind gave me the name Pete Krus. Kruse? Kruz? Crus? I have no idea how to spell that. I just know how it sounded (sounds like Cruise, but not spelled like that) XD But I do know that his first name was Pete.
The guy from Fall Out Boy (whom I don't listen to, btw) is Pete Wentz.
The lead singer from HCR (whom I DO listen to XD) is Ryan Follese.
Krusz (same pronunciation as above) is the last name of my 4th Grade math teacher, who adores me.
Maybe my mind is just making things up (which is usually the case), but I'd like to think that it means something. Not that I should look out for a person named Pete, but that it means something significant. I don't know... I like to look into dreams XD
Anyways, that's it for tonight. If you'd like, post below about interesting baseball game events that have happened to you or interesting dreams that you've had. I'd be interested in reading them!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Oh whoops.
I haven't updated this in a while again xD Shortest hiatus ever.
I'm going to New York today (saturday) to see a Yankees game. (I'm not a Yankees fan, but the rest of my family is XD), so if you happen to be there, come say hi.
If you can find me.
But anyways, its my youngest brother's birthday, so this was a birthday gift to him.
I've been stuck trying to get comic pages ready all week and other stuff... oh, and practicing my audition music for school, so that's taking up some time.
So yeah, if I'm not updating this, that's why.
Anyways, I'm going to go complete a few things, and then head to bed. So... ttyl~
I'm going to New York today (saturday) to see a Yankees game. (I'm not a Yankees fan, but the rest of my family is XD), so if you happen to be there, come say hi.
If you can find me.
But anyways, its my youngest brother's birthday, so this was a birthday gift to him.
I've been stuck trying to get comic pages ready all week and other stuff... oh, and practicing my audition music for school, so that's taking up some time.
So yeah, if I'm not updating this, that's why.
Anyways, I'm going to go complete a few things, and then head to bed. So... ttyl~
Monday, July 25, 2011
Life is Life
Both comics are now updated, and I will try and keep them updated between the Friday-Sunday block. I'm excited though... StWOM has 3 fans and ADBtD has 5! And most of them are people I don't know or haven't read the comics on dA (actually, StWOM was the only one that appeared on dA... haha).
I look back, and I realize that I started my pen comic in 2009. The cover came out a year later. But... I've had this story going on for 2 years o_o
... I'll have to post the next three themes on here later... I still need to scan one (actually, two now XD). But, one is FMA fanart! (I'll give you a hint: Theme 7). Woooo. I never do fanart, but lately, its been FMA fanart.
I miss Full Metal Alchemist.
I was also depressed to find out that some of the characters had been changed completely while I was drawing Theme 7. Oh well.
Anyways, I think I'm headed to bed wicked early tonight. No staying up late drawing for me... I'm tiiiired.
Enjoy these funny videos since I have nothing else to offer:
I look back, and I realize that I started my pen comic in 2009. The cover came out a year later. But... I've had this story going on for 2 years o_o
... I'll have to post the next three themes on here later... I still need to scan one (actually, two now XD). But, one is FMA fanart! (I'll give you a hint: Theme 7). Woooo. I never do fanart, but lately, its been FMA fanart.
I miss Full Metal Alchemist.
I was also depressed to find out that some of the characters had been changed completely while I was drawing Theme 7. Oh well.
Anyways, I think I'm headed to bed wicked early tonight. No staying up late drawing for me... I'm tiiiired.
Enjoy these funny videos since I have nothing else to offer:
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Updaaaaates!
I have to quit being lazy about these comics.... I'll sign on and salvage the files for the first chapter of Someone To Watch Over Me, and the first line will be posted! HAHA. Hopefully by later tonight... or by friday, I promise.
And Its Always Darkest Before the Dawn will soon be updated (after a year XD) later too. That, I'm excited for.
I'm going to make an effort to update them within the Friday-Sunday block, just so people don't get like... impatient. I really want to make an effort with these guys ;^; They're my babies.
Anyways, so I'm currently working on the next page for ADBtD, and I needed to grab Fred for posing. (Fred is my wooden mannequin, btw. My friend Anni got it for me for my birthday a few years ago... and Fred was the name of the Dunkin Doughnuts guy that I liked way back when XD) So, I had to locate him first, because my cats have this bad habit of chewing on his hands and feet, and I hid him somewhere in my room to prevent any further chewing.
So I found him inside a laundry basket... and the first thing I noticed that his hands were chewed even more.
Needless to say, Fred is now horrified that his hands and feet have been chewed. I feel bad for him... and yet, I had to laugh while drawing the face on him...
Anyways, I must return to drawing the next few pages for my comics.
And continue listening to the Portal 2 soundtrack on my iPod~~ (love love the music)
ONWARDS.
And Its Always Darkest Before the Dawn will soon be updated (after a year XD) later too. That, I'm excited for.
I'm going to make an effort to update them within the Friday-Sunday block, just so people don't get like... impatient. I really want to make an effort with these guys ;^; They're my babies.
Anyways, so I'm currently working on the next page for ADBtD, and I needed to grab Fred for posing. (Fred is my wooden mannequin, btw. My friend Anni got it for me for my birthday a few years ago... and Fred was the name of the Dunkin Doughnuts guy that I liked way back when XD) So, I had to locate him first, because my cats have this bad habit of chewing on his hands and feet, and I hid him somewhere in my room to prevent any further chewing.
So I found him inside a laundry basket... and the first thing I noticed that his hands were chewed even more.
Needless to say, Fred is now horrified that his hands and feet have been chewed. I feel bad for him... and yet, I had to laugh while drawing the face on him...Anyways, I must return to drawing the next few pages for my comics.
And continue listening to the Portal 2 soundtrack on my iPod~~ (love love the music)
ONWARDS.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Better Than Expected
Scones are delicious.
Anyways, thought y'all might want to know that things went much better than I thought they would tonight... we talked things out, and turns out we were both thinking the same thing. I hope that we can return to being cool friends...
I should realize by now that not all guys are dick-heads.
Anyway... I'm still moping around. Eventually this'll all pass... I hope. I still kinda want to curl up and die, but hey. That's life... c'est la vie, n'est pas?
Anyways, here's a video to lighten the mood:
Anyways, thought y'all might want to know that things went much better than I thought they would tonight... we talked things out, and turns out we were both thinking the same thing. I hope that we can return to being cool friends...
I should realize by now that not all guys are dick-heads.
Anyway... I'm still moping around. Eventually this'll all pass... I hope. I still kinda want to curl up and die, but hey. That's life... c'est la vie, n'est pas?
Anyways, here's a video to lighten the mood:
Meh meh meh
Just Meh.
Yeah really, right?
I know its like... totally 2 AM right now (my post thingy lies, by the way. I don't know why its like... 2 hours off), but I figured that I probably won't have any other time to update, since I'm like... out all day.
And not sleeping the entire day again.
But yeah. So, my mom asked me to go to this garden tour with her, so I thought I should do it... I mean, I get to go to the craft store afterwards and pick up two other sketch pads (one is to be used for the 100 Themes... rather, the last... 40 themes of it lol, and the other is for a comic a friend of mine and I are working on), and maybe a trip to Barnes and Nobles (since there are no more Borders closest to us, so I can't hit the clearance sales...)
I'm totally pissed that Borders is going away, just fyi. I loved Borders. Oh well...
I'm writing this while I'm like, half asleep. I'm gonna hit the hay after this... just so I can wake up in 7 hours to take a shower and go on this garden tour thingy with my mom.
And then, after that, I have the third showing of The Wiz that my high school is putting on (I got hired to play in the pit, haha). And I'm kind of... like... not in the mood to go?
Remember that loooong rant-post that I posted... a couple of days ago? My friend and I talked it out (as I did with my mom)... well, not the guy, a girl friend and I. I explained my thoughts exactly... and I figured out what I needed to do.
I'm not happy that I'm going to go through with telling him that I don't want to date him, but... I don't want to lead him on. I don't want to leave him with a "..." kind of closure... and it will be hard telling someone that you just want to be friends. I don't want him to wait on me to come around, because I, honest to god, told myself that I'm not interested in dating anyone at the moment.
I'm upset that I have to tell him this because, well, I just met him a couple of months ago. He's a totally sweet person and like... I feel bad. Because I do like him, just... I need to sort out feelings in my head. Usually, when things like this happen, I need time to figure out if I like him as a friend or as something more. I'm pretty sure I know where these feelings of mine are going, but at the same time... I don't. I'm excited that he's coming to see me play today (I hesitated in saying tomorrow, since tomorrow is today...), but in reality, I'm not sure if I'm excited that he's going to see /me/ or if I get to show off my trombone skills (or my lack thereof). But anyways, its hard, but its easy. Its easy to tell a guy that you don't want to date or make things... weird if you date them, because you hardly know them just yet. But its hard because the state of the friendship is... you know, still young?
I don't want to lose him as a friend because I was a total bitch in rejecting him... I guess in all honesty, I'm afraid of how he's going to react. To know that he likes me (I do know this because of several reasons), and then to take the heart that he's offering me and return it to him. I've had to do this in the past... but not like this. My grammar isn't making any sense whatsoever, is it? Well, I'll probably be writing a sob post about it later, after I return from The Wiz later tonight...
Anyways, you don't have to read that little blurb. I need a space to vent about the whole thing, and unfortunately, you guys are getting the entire thing.
I'm stressed out about it, and I really shouldn't be. But I am.
God, I'm a walking contradiction.
Anyways.
Has anyone realized how often I use the word "anyways"? Maybe I should start using "ahem" instead... (shrugs).
I'll return to posting the 100 Themes pictures soon, I just need this week to be over.
And before I forget, I kinda... forgot (haha) to post the link to Someone To Watch Over Me in my last post. The site is still under construction.... I haven't decided if I like the layout of it or not... anywho, here's the link: http://stwom.smackjeeves.com/
And for those who are interested in the other comic I mentioned, its a BL manga (just a heads up); I'm not all into shounen-ai, but these are two of our characters in our RP (the same RP that Forseth is in, just different time zones, so... it occurs before StWOM). Here's the link if you are interested: http://awdbd.smackjeeves.com/
God, I gotta fix Lexiant's face in the banner.... I'll do that later this week... its going to bother me otherwise.
I am offering you guys to friend me on facebook, so if you would like to friend me, send me a note or an email, and I will send you my name and such.
Though a slight warning: my facebook status isn't much better than it is here. I'm just as moody and temperamental.
In the meantime, enjoy this video about Blow-Out Sales at a Furniture Store (its actually really funny, I'm not kidding):
And if you want a special message, lemme know. Or if it actually becomes worthy news, I'll post about it later. All my LEGO/Bionicle friends are gonna be like "HAHA" and "Saw THAT coming". All depends on if my friend's boss likes me... 8'D
Yeah really, right?
I know its like... totally 2 AM right now (my post thingy lies, by the way. I don't know why its like... 2 hours off), but I figured that I probably won't have any other time to update, since I'm like... out all day.
And not sleeping the entire day again.
But yeah. So, my mom asked me to go to this garden tour with her, so I thought I should do it... I mean, I get to go to the craft store afterwards and pick up two other sketch pads (one is to be used for the 100 Themes... rather, the last... 40 themes of it lol, and the other is for a comic a friend of mine and I are working on), and maybe a trip to Barnes and Nobles (since there are no more Borders closest to us, so I can't hit the clearance sales...)
I'm totally pissed that Borders is going away, just fyi. I loved Borders. Oh well...
I'm writing this while I'm like, half asleep. I'm gonna hit the hay after this... just so I can wake up in 7 hours to take a shower and go on this garden tour thingy with my mom.
And then, after that, I have the third showing of The Wiz that my high school is putting on (I got hired to play in the pit, haha). And I'm kind of... like... not in the mood to go?
Remember that loooong rant-post that I posted... a couple of days ago? My friend and I talked it out (as I did with my mom)... well, not the guy, a girl friend and I. I explained my thoughts exactly... and I figured out what I needed to do.
I'm not happy that I'm going to go through with telling him that I don't want to date him, but... I don't want to lead him on. I don't want to leave him with a "..." kind of closure... and it will be hard telling someone that you just want to be friends. I don't want him to wait on me to come around, because I, honest to god, told myself that I'm not interested in dating anyone at the moment.
I'm upset that I have to tell him this because, well, I just met him a couple of months ago. He's a totally sweet person and like... I feel bad. Because I do like him, just... I need to sort out feelings in my head. Usually, when things like this happen, I need time to figure out if I like him as a friend or as something more. I'm pretty sure I know where these feelings of mine are going, but at the same time... I don't. I'm excited that he's coming to see me play today (I hesitated in saying tomorrow, since tomorrow is today...), but in reality, I'm not sure if I'm excited that he's going to see /me/ or if I get to show off my trombone skills (or my lack thereof). But anyways, its hard, but its easy. Its easy to tell a guy that you don't want to date or make things... weird if you date them, because you hardly know them just yet. But its hard because the state of the friendship is... you know, still young?
I don't want to lose him as a friend because I was a total bitch in rejecting him... I guess in all honesty, I'm afraid of how he's going to react. To know that he likes me (I do know this because of several reasons), and then to take the heart that he's offering me and return it to him. I've had to do this in the past... but not like this. My grammar isn't making any sense whatsoever, is it? Well, I'll probably be writing a sob post about it later, after I return from The Wiz later tonight...
Anyways, you don't have to read that little blurb. I need a space to vent about the whole thing, and unfortunately, you guys are getting the entire thing.
I'm stressed out about it, and I really shouldn't be. But I am.
God, I'm a walking contradiction.
Anyways.
Has anyone realized how often I use the word "anyways"? Maybe I should start using "ahem" instead... (shrugs).
I'll return to posting the 100 Themes pictures soon, I just need this week to be over.
And before I forget, I kinda... forgot (haha) to post the link to Someone To Watch Over Me in my last post. The site is still under construction.... I haven't decided if I like the layout of it or not... anywho, here's the link: http://stwom.smackjeeves.com/
And for those who are interested in the other comic I mentioned, its a BL manga (just a heads up); I'm not all into shounen-ai, but these are two of our characters in our RP (the same RP that Forseth is in, just different time zones, so... it occurs before StWOM). Here's the link if you are interested: http://awdbd.smackjeeves.com/
God, I gotta fix Lexiant's face in the banner.... I'll do that later this week... its going to bother me otherwise.
I am offering you guys to friend me on facebook, so if you would like to friend me, send me a note or an email, and I will send you my name and such.
Though a slight warning: my facebook status isn't much better than it is here. I'm just as moody and temperamental.
In the meantime, enjoy this video about Blow-Out Sales at a Furniture Store (its actually really funny, I'm not kidding):
And if you want a special message, lemme know. Or if it actually becomes worthy news, I'll post about it later. All my LEGO/Bionicle friends are gonna be like "HAHA" and "Saw THAT coming". All depends on if my friend's boss likes me... 8'D
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Oh Well
Been gloomy and not feeling well for the last few days. Might be a combination of PMSing amongst other things, but whatever.
So for the next couple of days, I'm playing in the pit for my high school's summer production of The Wiz. Should be fun [/sarcasm].
I got the next two themes done for the 100 Themes challenge. I'm going to scan them later.
OH. BY THE WAY. If you liked my pencomic Someone To Watch Over Me (it was on my dA page), it now has its own Smackjeevees site!
For those who know, the entire comic was made only in pen, and was a block panel comic (so it resembled the comics you read in the newspaper). I'm going to break up the comic, however, from being a page full of blocks, to strips, so its easier on the eye, and I don't have to worry about major resizing. My only concern is that I need to make sure that it flows nicely...
Yeah.
Anyways, that's it for today.
So for the next couple of days, I'm playing in the pit for my high school's summer production of The Wiz. Should be fun [/sarcasm].
I got the next two themes done for the 100 Themes challenge. I'm going to scan them later.
OH. BY THE WAY. If you liked my pencomic Someone To Watch Over Me (it was on my dA page), it now has its own Smackjeevees site!
For those who know, the entire comic was made only in pen, and was a block panel comic (so it resembled the comics you read in the newspaper). I'm going to break up the comic, however, from being a page full of blocks, to strips, so its easier on the eye, and I don't have to worry about major resizing. My only concern is that I need to make sure that it flows nicely...
Yeah.
Anyways, that's it for today.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
It needs to be said.
I know I've been venting over the last few days, but this needs to be said.
Now.
Ahem...
No. I can't do this. I can't keep on telling people that I'm seeing someone and that I have to hurt them and deny them. Maybe that's life. And if it is? It fucking sucks. I don't like hurting people, not in the slightest. But I don't like the idea of being tied down by one sole person. Yes, I believe in dating; yes, I do believe in this funny thing called love. Its just... not my scene yet. I like writing romance stories and writing about others finding their one true soul mate... but I don't want to be there just yet. I don't like dating because it ties me down. I don't like it because I get put on the spot about what I'm afraid of, what I like, what my family is like, what I do for a living... I'm not ready to bring down my walls again.
I spent a month believing that there was a person was for me; he fed me everything I wanted to hear. That I was cute, funny, and a tad bit weird. That it made me interesting, something he wanted to get to know. But you know what? He ended up leading me on. He claimed it was because he was busy... and while part of me believes it, the other part screams and says he didn't want to be there because he was a) interested in someone else and I was the rebound and b) that I was the little play thing he could see in his bed every weekend, but deny him of sex.
The other reason why I don't want to date is because I think too much. I think WAAY too much of what could have been, what would have been, and what should have been. I rely heavily on others opinions... and if they don't add up to mine, I start to think. I am influenced by them, so if people don't approve, I start to reconsider. And its not /you/ that they are against, nor of the concept of me dating someone... its something that I can't grab a hold of.
I like being a free spirit, and pointing to the cute guys in magazines or in the store as they walk by. I mean, I guess you can do that when you're dating someone, but its not recommended. I guess this means I like being single. To be able to just... I don't know, relax without thinking about the prior. To worry about life and what I'm going to do next for the person I'm with... NO. Its not me!! I can't. I really don't... no, just... alsdfj. I like the way I am. I can't change that...
So, until the day that I am able to tell you this, and I highly doubt that you will see this (I bet, because I don't think you know that this exists, and if you do find this? Well... I'm sorry you read this before I'll be able to tell you)...
I like you, but, I can't. Its not you, its me. And I know that sounds cliche in all ways, but its a true statement. It goes without saying that I'm not ready. No, not ready for sex or any of that really extreme stuff... I'm not ready for anything. I guess I'm just like that guy who broke my trust. I'm sorry if I lead you on... because I didn't mean for it to be that way. I was honestly testing the waters, to see if I could do it. To see if I could reach out and grab your hand, smile at you without thinking "What if...", to just... be me.
Actually, lies. That is me.
But anyways, that's besides the point.
So, in other words, I'm sorry. I'm honest to god, truly sorry.
I just.... I want to go back to not worrying about being with someone again. Because that scares me. I want to go back to when I didn't have to worry about tripping and hurting someone... I just, I dislike telling people I'm not interested, and I dislike hurting people in general. So far, I've had to do that TWICE in the last two days, and its getting... a little bothersome.
I don't understand how this all started, and why all these guys are SUDDENLY coming up to me and telling me, "Are you seeing someone right now? Are you interested in going on a date with me?" or "You know, you're a cute person... and, uh, would you like to... you know... see me later?" It has NEVER happened before. I was talking to another friend of mine, and he told me that he couldn't remember a time when I guy WASN'T following me around.
WHAT THE HELL. Am I really that dense? To not realize when a guy likes me? But...
You know, I'm just a bitch.
I don't deserve you. And don't give me a speech saying that I'm not like that, and you see someone else entirely... I won't believe you. Trust me, I won't. You're the most down-to-earth, sweetest, nicest, and everything I'm looking for in a guy. Any girl would be lucky to date you and to be with you. And I'm a complete idiot for turning you away, especially since I do like you.
So I guess... in the end?
You deserve someone better than me. Someone who will treat you right... and I'm, again, an idiot for turning you away after all that you've done for me.
I'm probably going to feel like shit for the next few days after this, because I hate turning people down...
I'm sorry.
Now.
Ahem...
No. I can't do this. I can't keep on telling people that I'm seeing someone and that I have to hurt them and deny them. Maybe that's life. And if it is? It fucking sucks. I don't like hurting people, not in the slightest. But I don't like the idea of being tied down by one sole person. Yes, I believe in dating; yes, I do believe in this funny thing called love. Its just... not my scene yet. I like writing romance stories and writing about others finding their one true soul mate... but I don't want to be there just yet. I don't like dating because it ties me down. I don't like it because I get put on the spot about what I'm afraid of, what I like, what my family is like, what I do for a living... I'm not ready to bring down my walls again.
I spent a month believing that there was a person was for me; he fed me everything I wanted to hear. That I was cute, funny, and a tad bit weird. That it made me interesting, something he wanted to get to know. But you know what? He ended up leading me on. He claimed it was because he was busy... and while part of me believes it, the other part screams and says he didn't want to be there because he was a) interested in someone else and I was the rebound and b) that I was the little play thing he could see in his bed every weekend, but deny him of sex.
The other reason why I don't want to date is because I think too much. I think WAAY too much of what could have been, what would have been, and what should have been. I rely heavily on others opinions... and if they don't add up to mine, I start to think. I am influenced by them, so if people don't approve, I start to reconsider. And its not /you/ that they are against, nor of the concept of me dating someone... its something that I can't grab a hold of.
I like being a free spirit, and pointing to the cute guys in magazines or in the store as they walk by. I mean, I guess you can do that when you're dating someone, but its not recommended. I guess this means I like being single. To be able to just... I don't know, relax without thinking about the prior. To worry about life and what I'm going to do next for the person I'm with... NO. Its not me!! I can't. I really don't... no, just... alsdfj. I like the way I am. I can't change that...
So, until the day that I am able to tell you this, and I highly doubt that you will see this (I bet, because I don't think you know that this exists, and if you do find this? Well... I'm sorry you read this before I'll be able to tell you)...
I like you, but, I can't. Its not you, its me. And I know that sounds cliche in all ways, but its a true statement. It goes without saying that I'm not ready. No, not ready for sex or any of that really extreme stuff... I'm not ready for anything. I guess I'm just like that guy who broke my trust. I'm sorry if I lead you on... because I didn't mean for it to be that way. I was honestly testing the waters, to see if I could do it. To see if I could reach out and grab your hand, smile at you without thinking "What if...", to just... be me.
Actually, lies. That is me.
But anyways, that's besides the point.
So, in other words, I'm sorry. I'm honest to god, truly sorry.
I just.... I want to go back to not worrying about being with someone again. Because that scares me. I want to go back to when I didn't have to worry about tripping and hurting someone... I just, I dislike telling people I'm not interested, and I dislike hurting people in general. So far, I've had to do that TWICE in the last two days, and its getting... a little bothersome.
I don't understand how this all started, and why all these guys are SUDDENLY coming up to me and telling me, "Are you seeing someone right now? Are you interested in going on a date with me?" or "You know, you're a cute person... and, uh, would you like to... you know... see me later?" It has NEVER happened before. I was talking to another friend of mine, and he told me that he couldn't remember a time when I guy WASN'T following me around.
WHAT THE HELL. Am I really that dense? To not realize when a guy likes me? But...
You know, I'm just a bitch.
I don't deserve you. And don't give me a speech saying that I'm not like that, and you see someone else entirely... I won't believe you. Trust me, I won't. You're the most down-to-earth, sweetest, nicest, and everything I'm looking for in a guy. Any girl would be lucky to date you and to be with you. And I'm a complete idiot for turning you away, especially since I do like you.
But I'm going back to what I said above: I'm a fucking bitch. I break hearts, mend hearts, and then run away.
So I guess... in the end?
You deserve someone better than me. Someone who will treat you right... and I'm, again, an idiot for turning you away after all that you've done for me.
I'm probably going to feel like shit for the next few days after this, because I hate turning people down...
I'm sorry.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Picture Dump!
Because I have nothing else to post for today.
Theme 3: Villain
And some Snape pictures:
(Emo Snape)
And some Snape pictures:
(Emo Snape)Monday, July 18, 2011
I know this is a bit late...
You know, I might just update this daily XD
But holy fuckwads of the underworld... I'm shaking like HELL. It might be because I'm giddy, or nervous or... something, but whatever. I'll explain in a minute.
But I saw HP7 Part 2 today. I know a lot of people are raving about it, and I can see why. It was a really good end to such a prized franchise.
However, I, for one, never really read the books. I read books 1-4 (I picked up 5, but never found time to start it). I might read the rest over this summer between rehearsals and practicing and other things, just so I can understand what the hell is going on. I felt like a lot of the movie left out some details for people who didn't read the book, but I guess that's because the movies were directed at the people who read them, right? Oh well. Its a little upsetting that, from my understanding, that they didn't really explain what a horicrux was until this movie, unless Dumbledore explained it in the 6th movie, of which I don't fully remember because that movie to me was boring as hell.
Anyways, it was still a good movie nonetheless. And despite what people say, I actually liked the last part, you know... the 19 Years Later part? I thought it was cute, and ended the complete series nicely.
And expect Lily and Severus fanart. I might just include them in my 100 Themes picture. I kind of wish they showed more scenes of them though... oh well. I nearly cried when I saw Severus--- (okay okay, I won't spoil it).
Anyways. So, here's the picture of the day, Theme #2: Hero:
Taken from my dA and my facebook: "I was originally going to draw Link... and then... it kinda turned into this.
I used my own OCs for the Legend of Zelda 8D I've had these guys since... 6th grade I think. ~Kibblorz and I used to run around the playground as our own LoZ characters, and of course... I had the good guys. And I created the Zelda family... so... we have...
- Rhys, the third son of Link, and the heir to the Hero of Time (okay, yes, I was an OoT junkie. Leave me alone; I know it wasn't the greatest Zelda game. So hush). He's got golden-brownish-blond hair, and he looks a lot like Link... except for his strength and courage. He's a bit of a know-it-all, and a wannabe hero.
- Leah, the second child of Link, she's a pro archer, and a bit of an adventurer. She likes to travel to Castle Town and hang out with the citizens... she eventually falls for one of Ganon's supporters (unknowingly). And uh... she's got slightly darker hair than all of her siblings (I originally wanted her hair to be purple, but I decided against it XD).
- Skylar is the eldest son, and also a mage (or spellcaster, whichever you prefer). He's very stubborn and is a total know-it-all. He likes to do research and learn things. I originally was going to have his girlfriend be that faerie (as in, his girlfriend was dying, so in order to save her, she was granted the life of a faerie), but I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it that way. Skylar has dark-dirty blond hair. (The faerie's name is Fay).
I think that's it. XD
Legend of Zelda, Link, Zelda (c) Nintendo
Rhys, Leah, Skylar, Fay (c) Moi
"
Uhm... let's see... what else can I talk about before I post this...
Uhm... Yes, if you know me on facebook or knew me on dA, you've already seen the first three themes. I have started the next theme, but I keep tossing it aside because I don't really like it XD So, I might just draw another picture for the next theme.
Uhhhh.... I think that is it.
OFF TO BUY MUSIC.
But holy fuckwads of the underworld... I'm shaking like HELL. It might be because I'm giddy, or nervous or... something, but whatever. I'll explain in a minute.
But I saw HP7 Part 2 today. I know a lot of people are raving about it, and I can see why. It was a really good end to such a prized franchise.
However, I, for one, never really read the books. I read books 1-4 (I picked up 5, but never found time to start it). I might read the rest over this summer between rehearsals and practicing and other things, just so I can understand what the hell is going on. I felt like a lot of the movie left out some details for people who didn't read the book, but I guess that's because the movies were directed at the people who read them, right? Oh well. Its a little upsetting that, from my understanding, that they didn't really explain what a horicrux was until this movie, unless Dumbledore explained it in the 6th movie, of which I don't fully remember because that movie to me was boring as hell.
Anyways, it was still a good movie nonetheless. And despite what people say, I actually liked the last part, you know... the 19 Years Later part? I thought it was cute, and ended the complete series nicely.
And expect Lily and Severus fanart. I might just include them in my 100 Themes picture. I kind of wish they showed more scenes of them though... oh well. I nearly cried when I saw Severus--- (okay okay, I won't spoil it).
Anyways. So, here's the picture of the day, Theme #2: Hero:
Taken from my dA and my facebook: "I was originally going to draw Link... and then... it kinda turned into this.I used my own OCs for the Legend of Zelda 8D I've had these guys since... 6th grade I think. ~Kibblorz and I used to run around the playground as our own LoZ characters, and of course... I had the good guys. And I created the Zelda family... so... we have...
- Rhys, the third son of Link, and the heir to the Hero of Time (okay, yes, I was an OoT junkie. Leave me alone; I know it wasn't the greatest Zelda game. So hush). He's got golden-brownish-blond hair, and he looks a lot like Link... except for his strength and courage. He's a bit of a know-it-all, and a wannabe hero.
- Leah, the second child of Link, she's a pro archer, and a bit of an adventurer. She likes to travel to Castle Town and hang out with the citizens... she eventually falls for one of Ganon's supporters (unknowingly). And uh... she's got slightly darker hair than all of her siblings (I originally wanted her hair to be purple, but I decided against it XD).
- Skylar is the eldest son, and also a mage (or spellcaster, whichever you prefer). He's very stubborn and is a total know-it-all. He likes to do research and learn things. I originally was going to have his girlfriend be that faerie (as in, his girlfriend was dying, so in order to save her, she was granted the life of a faerie), but I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it that way. Skylar has dark-dirty blond hair. (The faerie's name is Fay).
I think that's it. XD
Legend of Zelda, Link, Zelda (c) Nintendo
Rhys, Leah, Skylar, Fay (c) Moi
"
Uhm... let's see... what else can I talk about before I post this...
Uhm... Yes, if you know me on facebook or knew me on dA, you've already seen the first three themes. I have started the next theme, but I keep tossing it aside because I don't really like it XD So, I might just draw another picture for the next theme.
Uhhhh.... I think that is it.
OFF TO BUY MUSIC.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Or not.
I'm going to switch between the two XD I'm not sure if I like Live Journal. Anyways...
So here we have Theme #1: Introduction. Enjoy!
(I had to make sure it worked too XD)
I don't know what to do with myself anymore. ='
So here we have Theme #1: Introduction. Enjoy!
(I had to make sure it worked too XD)
I don't know what to do with myself anymore. ='
So I kinda decided to leave dA
I don't know why.
Actually, I do know why.
If you care for the details, here's why: I got sick and tired of people just like going "Oh look, I'm going to watch this person because she's doing fanart for this product! And oh look! She's doing a comic on it!" and then having most of those same people be bitchy at me for not updating the comic, and some just only comment on shit that had to do with that fandom. At first, I really didn't mind or care, because I liked it. I liked my own story, my art and stuff like that.
But when you start posting other things, you expect those same people to comment on those pictures. And when no one does, you kind of lose faith in your fans. And then when you stop the comic and the major flow of that fandom and you lose the majority of your fanbase... you know what they cared for. You know why they looked at your art... they only wanted that comic. Only that art.
And I finally snapped and deleted the entire thing off my gallery.
Just when I thought things were getting better, I picked up the entire 100 Themes thing again, you know... because I wanted a challenge. I wanted something to do, because no one was commissioning me or anything. Not that I really cared... I knew that some people would be a little paranoid about sending money in the mail instead of using paypal (which is much easier to use in my opinion, but there are people in my life that won't allow me to open one, despite my age). I understood everything and their feelings.... ANYWAYS, so I thought things were getting better... until I posted the third theme, and I got an influx of comments on it. Why? Because it was connected to said fandom. And it kinda hurt a little bit... to see that I put JUST AS MUCH FREAKIN EFFORT into all my other pictures, if not more, and to have only ONE of them receive all the fucking attention.
I just had it.
Maybe I'll return to dA and start posting pictures again.
I'm just a little bothered at the moment.
And if any of my dA friends are reading this, I love you guys. I'm sorry that I bitched at y'all the way I have been, and that it had to end the way it did... and I honestly don't expect to be forgiven or a big fat hug from you guys. Y'all are my source of inspiration; you're all admirable and inspirational people, even if you are artists, pixel artists, authors, or photographers... it doesn't matter. You all mean a lot to me.
Anyways... I'll begin posting shit here, for anyone who actually reads this. I just need to get the files for the 100 themes, which are on my other computer.
Actually, I do know why.
If you care for the details, here's why: I got sick and tired of people just like going "Oh look, I'm going to watch this person because she's doing fanart for this product! And oh look! She's doing a comic on it!" and then having most of those same people be bitchy at me for not updating the comic, and some just only comment on shit that had to do with that fandom. At first, I really didn't mind or care, because I liked it. I liked my own story, my art and stuff like that.
But when you start posting other things, you expect those same people to comment on those pictures. And when no one does, you kind of lose faith in your fans. And then when you stop the comic and the major flow of that fandom and you lose the majority of your fanbase... you know what they cared for. You know why they looked at your art... they only wanted that comic. Only that art.
And I finally snapped and deleted the entire thing off my gallery.
Just when I thought things were getting better, I picked up the entire 100 Themes thing again, you know... because I wanted a challenge. I wanted something to do, because no one was commissioning me or anything. Not that I really cared... I knew that some people would be a little paranoid about sending money in the mail instead of using paypal (which is much easier to use in my opinion, but there are people in my life that won't allow me to open one, despite my age). I understood everything and their feelings.... ANYWAYS, so I thought things were getting better... until I posted the third theme, and I got an influx of comments on it. Why? Because it was connected to said fandom. And it kinda hurt a little bit... to see that I put JUST AS MUCH FREAKIN EFFORT into all my other pictures, if not more, and to have only ONE of them receive all the fucking attention.
I just had it.
Maybe I'll return to dA and start posting pictures again.
I'm just a little bothered at the moment.
And if any of my dA friends are reading this, I love you guys. I'm sorry that I bitched at y'all the way I have been, and that it had to end the way it did... and I honestly don't expect to be forgiven or a big fat hug from you guys. Y'all are my source of inspiration; you're all admirable and inspirational people, even if you are artists, pixel artists, authors, or photographers... it doesn't matter. You all mean a lot to me.
Anyways... I'll begin posting shit here, for anyone who actually reads this. I just need to get the files for the 100 themes, which are on my other computer.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
What do you do...
When you like someone, but you're not sure about it. When you want to trust someone, but you're hesitant in doing so, because the previous relationship left you in pieces.
When you know the person likes you, and you like them back in return... but are just too damn scared to admit anything.
I don't know.
Ending post now.
When you know the person likes you, and you like them back in return... but are just too damn scared to admit anything.
I don't know.
Ending post now.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Guess Who's Making Cake?
First of all, to those who actually read this, I must apologize for me venting yesterday. That happens. Shit happens.
Anyways...
I've made a couple of cakes over the years, but more recently, I've gotten into the habit of making cakes based off of video games. For my dad's birthday, we decided (as in, my brothers and I) that we would make him the infamous Portal Cake. Y'know... the "cake is a lie" cake? The chocolatey goodness, so delicious and moist, cake? Yeah.
Here's proof that I made it:
This Was a Triumph by ~data2048 on deviantART
I love how the camera on my laptop likes to make things backwards...
I'm making a note here... by ~data2048 on deviantART
The only thing that wasn't correct was the candle... so, I bought a nice, white candle the other day. And the fact that I didn't use pecans and coconut on the cake, like, at all. Why? I don't like pecans (blech, they taste bad when not used properly), and no one but myself and my dad likes coconut. So, we just decorated the cake with chocolate frosting and semi-sweet chocolate morsels. It tastes delicious either way.
But yeah. This is the third portal cake I've made... well, if you even count the first. The first was a... kind of... spur of the moment... and... yeah.
So! In the meantime, enjoy these videos for your pleasure!
(just let it be known that I LOVE Amnesia XD But its scary as fuck.)
Anyways...
I've made a couple of cakes over the years, but more recently, I've gotten into the habit of making cakes based off of video games. For my dad's birthday, we decided (as in, my brothers and I) that we would make him the infamous Portal Cake. Y'know... the "cake is a lie" cake? The chocolatey goodness, so delicious and moist, cake? Yeah.
Here's proof that I made it:
This Was a Triumph by ~data2048 on deviantART
I love how the camera on my laptop likes to make things backwards...
I'm making a note here... by ~data2048 on deviantART
The only thing that wasn't correct was the candle... so, I bought a nice, white candle the other day. And the fact that I didn't use pecans and coconut on the cake, like, at all. Why? I don't like pecans (blech, they taste bad when not used properly), and no one but myself and my dad likes coconut. So, we just decorated the cake with chocolate frosting and semi-sweet chocolate morsels. It tastes delicious either way.
But yeah. This is the third portal cake I've made... well, if you even count the first. The first was a... kind of... spur of the moment... and... yeah.
So! In the meantime, enjoy these videos for your pleasure!
(just let it be known that I LOVE Amnesia XD But its scary as fuck.)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
100 Themes and ConnectiCon 2011
See, I'm actually keeping up with this now. Not that anyone reads this, but oh well.
Anyways, I was invited by a friend of mine to go to ConnectiCon 2011 with him on Saturday. I mean, I couldn't turn him down because... I felt bad. But, I still feel bad for having to turn down everyone else who offered to purchase a pass for me earlier. I don't know why I suddenly changed my mind... I guess it was the realization that I had nothing else to do on Saturday (technically, I could have gone Friday as well...).
So! I went, and I had fun. Although, I did spend the majority of my time shopping and meeting artists in the Artists' Alley. And I bought a TON of stuff (Well, two things, but still) from Chi's Sweet Home, including a cellphone charm and a hat.
If you have no idea what this show is, here's the first episode (they're about 5 minute long episodes):
I had a lot of fun catching up with friends that are a part of the group, Otaku New England (or O-NE). They had no idea I was coming, and I guess... it was good to seem them. I enjoyed it.
If you want, and you live in Connecticut, check them out! They have a group on deviantArt, Facebook, Twitter and... there's another site that fails to come to mind. But they're all really friendly and nice. The focus of the group is mostly for 16 years and older people who like Anime/Manga, but lately, they have included Cartoons, Video Games, and so much more.
They meet at the Canton Library from 6-9 PM, Wednesday Nights, every week. And as a quick reminder, you are not allowed to join unless you are older than 16 (sorry lol).
So yeah, the other portion of this blog. I mentioned in yesterday's entry that I was going to do a 100 Themes Challenge.
If you want to do it, here it is:
1. Introduction
2. Hero
3. Villain
4. Darkness
5. Love
6. Lost
7. Sin
8. Atonement
9. Forgiveness
10. Shopping
11. Yin-Yang
12. Distance
13. Idiots
14. Hope
15. Song
16. Dance
17. Absolution
18. Becoming
19. Vacation
20. School
21. Wings
22. Fire
23. Puzzle
24. Cake
25. Ill
26. Making Out
27. Animal Within
28. Monster
29. Samurai
30. Destiny
31. Choice
32. Indoors
33. Thief
34. Trapped
35. Trust
36. Protector
37. Dying
38. Stabbed
39. Reaching out
40. Fight
41. Broken
42. Run!
43. Night
44. Day
45. Can't Take It
46. Tribal
47. Honor
48. Teamwork
49. Excuse Me
50. Maid
51. Coffee
52. Brothers
53. Flashback
54. Temper
55. Fairytale
56. Override
57. Fragile
58. Busy
59. Authority
60. Missing
61. Rivalry
62. Clock
63. Amnesia
64. Awkward
65. Role-play
66. Children
67. Psychic
68. Desensitized
69. Sandwich
70. Little
71. Mirror
72. Invisible
73. Pokeball
74. FAIL
75. Confrontation
76. Irony
77. Piggyback
78. Silence
79. Teenagers
80. Exes (as in Ex-boyfriend or Ex-wife)
81. Magic
82. Insanity
83. Prayer
84. Like Father, Like Son
85. Singularity
86. Synchronized
87. Chocolate
88. Not Alone
89. Present (as in a gift)
90. Swimming
91. Caged
92. Pervert
93. Flowers
94. Library
95. Solo
96. Hush Now...
97. FFFFUUUUU---
98. Crash
99. Light My Candle
100. Finale
Feel free to use them for story ideas, picture ideas, comics... and if you can think of something for photography, be my guest. My friend and I created this list because both of us are artists and authors, so... we made a list that would lean both ways. However, it came to my attention that she (my friend) is a photographer as well... so I'm not sure if all the themes can be used for photos.
Anyways, if you want to do this list, you don't have to let me know, but I would appreciate it if you let others know that you are using my list lol
So, I hope you guys have a nice week! I'm not sure when my next update will be, and I will be posting pictures for each of the Themes. Later though. XD
Later!
Anyways, I was invited by a friend of mine to go to ConnectiCon 2011 with him on Saturday. I mean, I couldn't turn him down because... I felt bad. But, I still feel bad for having to turn down everyone else who offered to purchase a pass for me earlier. I don't know why I suddenly changed my mind... I guess it was the realization that I had nothing else to do on Saturday (technically, I could have gone Friday as well...).
So! I went, and I had fun. Although, I did spend the majority of my time shopping and meeting artists in the Artists' Alley. And I bought a TON of stuff (Well, two things, but still) from Chi's Sweet Home, including a cellphone charm and a hat.
If you have no idea what this show is, here's the first episode (they're about 5 minute long episodes):
I had a lot of fun catching up with friends that are a part of the group, Otaku New England (or O-NE). They had no idea I was coming, and I guess... it was good to seem them. I enjoyed it.
If you want, and you live in Connecticut, check them out! They have a group on deviantArt, Facebook, Twitter and... there's another site that fails to come to mind. But they're all really friendly and nice. The focus of the group is mostly for 16 years and older people who like Anime/Manga, but lately, they have included Cartoons, Video Games, and so much more.
They meet at the Canton Library from 6-9 PM, Wednesday Nights, every week. And as a quick reminder, you are not allowed to join unless you are older than 16 (sorry lol).
So yeah, the other portion of this blog. I mentioned in yesterday's entry that I was going to do a 100 Themes Challenge.
If you want to do it, here it is:
1. Introduction
2. Hero
3. Villain
4. Darkness
5. Love
6. Lost
7. Sin
8. Atonement
9. Forgiveness
10. Shopping
11. Yin-Yang
12. Distance
13. Idiots
14. Hope
15. Song
16. Dance
17. Absolution
18. Becoming
19. Vacation
20. School
21. Wings
22. Fire
23. Puzzle
24. Cake
25. Ill
26. Making Out
27. Animal Within
28. Monster
29. Samurai
30. Destiny
31. Choice
32. Indoors
33. Thief
34. Trapped
35. Trust
36. Protector
37. Dying
38. Stabbed
39. Reaching out
40. Fight
41. Broken
42. Run!
43. Night
44. Day
45. Can't Take It
46. Tribal
47. Honor
48. Teamwork
49. Excuse Me
50. Maid
51. Coffee
52. Brothers
53. Flashback
54. Temper
55. Fairytale
56. Override
57. Fragile
58. Busy
59. Authority
60. Missing
61. Rivalry
62. Clock
63. Amnesia
64. Awkward
65. Role-play
66. Children
67. Psychic
68. Desensitized
69. Sandwich
70. Little
71. Mirror
72. Invisible
73. Pokeball
74. FAIL
75. Confrontation
76. Irony
77. Piggyback
78. Silence
79. Teenagers
80. Exes (as in Ex-boyfriend or Ex-wife)
81. Magic
82. Insanity
83. Prayer
84. Like Father, Like Son
85. Singularity
86. Synchronized
87. Chocolate
88. Not Alone
89. Present (as in a gift)
90. Swimming
91. Caged
92. Pervert
93. Flowers
94. Library
95. Solo
96. Hush Now...
97. FFFFUUUUU---
98. Crash
99. Light My Candle
100. Finale
Feel free to use them for story ideas, picture ideas, comics... and if you can think of something for photography, be my guest. My friend and I created this list because both of us are artists and authors, so... we made a list that would lean both ways. However, it came to my attention that she (my friend) is a photographer as well... so I'm not sure if all the themes can be used for photos.
Anyways, if you want to do this list, you don't have to let me know, but I would appreciate it if you let others know that you are using my list lol
So, I hope you guys have a nice week! I'm not sure when my next update will be, and I will be posting pictures for each of the Themes. Later though. XD
Later!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Its been forever, hasn't it?
Not that I really use this anymore. I don't know why I created one in the first place.
I don't think anyone really uses Blogger anymore... but who cares? I shall dub thee the site for useless and random updates about my life!
Maybe someday I'll post pictures here too, y'know... for those who don't know my facebook, and those who honestly really care about what is going on in my life.
You have to excuse my poor sense of humor. I know I'm not that funny.
Anyways, maybe I'll use this site for like, my personal reviews on anime, manga, movies (films from Hollywood, don't worry), video games... you know, the things that are popular today? Maybe I'll even do people reviews. Ha.
So yeah. I might actually start using this site now. Since I feel bad for spamming my deviantArt friends with things unrelated to my art (for a lack of better words).
And if you're REALLY into this, you should check out my profile there. I'll give you a hint as to what my name is: its the same name as my email address.
Anyways.
I'll start complaining about life or other things later.
I'm off to draw pictures based on the 100 Theme's list that my friend and I created.
Let's do this shit.
I don't think anyone really uses Blogger anymore... but who cares? I shall dub thee the site for useless and random updates about my life!
Maybe someday I'll post pictures here too, y'know... for those who don't know my facebook, and those who honestly really care about what is going on in my life.
You have to excuse my poor sense of humor. I know I'm not that funny.
Anyways, maybe I'll use this site for like, my personal reviews on anime, manga, movies (films from Hollywood, don't worry), video games... you know, the things that are popular today? Maybe I'll even do people reviews. Ha.
So yeah. I might actually start using this site now. Since I feel bad for spamming my deviantArt friends with things unrelated to my art (for a lack of better words).
And if you're REALLY into this, you should check out my profile there. I'll give you a hint as to what my name is: its the same name as my email address.
Anyways.
I'll start complaining about life or other things later.
I'm off to draw pictures based on the 100 Theme's list that my friend and I created.
Let's do this shit.
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