I look forward to coming home and spending time with my family.
Just right now, I want to go back to school and just sit in my dorm room where I don't have to fucking worry whether my parents are actually going to split or not. Where I don't have to hear their arguments up in my room.
I'm canceling my plans for Wednesday and Thursday, just to make sure that my mom is okay.
... I'm looking forward to that therapy session when I get back to school.
I've been home for less than a fucking week, and I already have to deal with this shit again.
...
Its eerily quiet in my house right now.
I either want out, or I just want to sit and cry while listening to the rain hit my windows and wind break branches.
That was incredibly emo.
I apologize.
...
nope, nevermind. The argument continues.
I can't escape from my room either because, to be perfectly honest, I'm terrified.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Laryngitis!
Anyways. I do sound different, I promise. XD
Thursday, December 8, 2011
An update.
So this week has been... interesting, to say the least.
On friday of last week, one of my fellow classmates got into a car accident around 2 AM (Saturday) and passed away. I didn't find out until much later that day (while I was working), and I was in complete shock about the entire thing. I didn't want to believe it.
I... wish I had known him better. From what I knew (because he was in a couple of my classes), he was an AMAZING musician and person in general. He might have been quiet, but his presence lit up the room.
To see everyone so upset is so touching; to see an entire community so divided before suddenly become connected in ways you cannot imagine is amazing. I spent monday and tuesday of this week really depressed because of the whole thing... it has gotten to the point where I don't want to go to my 8 AM Flute Class tomorrow because he was in it. I spoke to him the morning he passed away. I was in awe how much he had improved on the flute, because a week before he couldn't make one note through it... and suddenly, while he was performing, there was a sound. He honest to god worked at everything he did. and it paid off. Regardless, I don't want to go to the class, because I know what will happen: I'll cry. He won't be there.
On tuesday, I was standing around in what we call Brass Alley here at Ithaca, and out of nowhere the old Tuba Professor was standing there talking to his old Tuba and Euphonium studio. It dawned on me then that he had posted a facebook status saying that he was going to come in to see his old studio... now, he was here teaching last year; he had an early retirement because his cancer came back, and he needed to get it removed and such. He taught the boy who died for two-three years.
What struck me then, as he walked away to meet the professor who was filling his spot, was that he, the professor, was not in good health. To have a student who was in perfect health and everything die before you... it must be such a sad feeling... and to not see him before he passed away for a couple of months... its just... its really sad.
I watched the professor stop in the middle of the hallway and lean up against a wall to rub his eyes and take a breather.
I cried.
I keep thinking that he is going to walk through those doors and be like, "Hey guys! I'm still here." and pick up his Euphonium and play with us in band. But I know that its not going to happen...
In his Honor, we played an arrangement of Amazing Grace (that I had part in) with our band (he was in it), and in Chorus, we are singing O Magnum Mysterium. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn5ken3RJBo ) YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO THAT IF YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS VERSION. It was his favorite piece... everyone was having such a hard time trying not to cry while performing these pieces.
We left his seat empty and sitting there in band.
I just want you all to be safe this holiday season. Don't make stupid decisions and think before you do something. Don't make long trips that you know you can't make after either a long day or alone. Just don't do it.
Scratch that.
Be safe whenever you are driving. I know you can't control the world around you and what happens there, but at least you yourself will be a safe driver.
On friday of last week, one of my fellow classmates got into a car accident around 2 AM (Saturday) and passed away. I didn't find out until much later that day (while I was working), and I was in complete shock about the entire thing. I didn't want to believe it.
I... wish I had known him better. From what I knew (because he was in a couple of my classes), he was an AMAZING musician and person in general. He might have been quiet, but his presence lit up the room.
To see everyone so upset is so touching; to see an entire community so divided before suddenly become connected in ways you cannot imagine is amazing. I spent monday and tuesday of this week really depressed because of the whole thing... it has gotten to the point where I don't want to go to my 8 AM Flute Class tomorrow because he was in it. I spoke to him the morning he passed away. I was in awe how much he had improved on the flute, because a week before he couldn't make one note through it... and suddenly, while he was performing, there was a sound. He honest to god worked at everything he did. and it paid off. Regardless, I don't want to go to the class, because I know what will happen: I'll cry. He won't be there.
On tuesday, I was standing around in what we call Brass Alley here at Ithaca, and out of nowhere the old Tuba Professor was standing there talking to his old Tuba and Euphonium studio. It dawned on me then that he had posted a facebook status saying that he was going to come in to see his old studio... now, he was here teaching last year; he had an early retirement because his cancer came back, and he needed to get it removed and such. He taught the boy who died for two-three years.
What struck me then, as he walked away to meet the professor who was filling his spot, was that he, the professor, was not in good health. To have a student who was in perfect health and everything die before you... it must be such a sad feeling... and to not see him before he passed away for a couple of months... its just... its really sad.
I watched the professor stop in the middle of the hallway and lean up against a wall to rub his eyes and take a breather.
I cried.
I keep thinking that he is going to walk through those doors and be like, "Hey guys! I'm still here." and pick up his Euphonium and play with us in band. But I know that its not going to happen...
In his Honor, we played an arrangement of Amazing Grace (that I had part in) with our band (he was in it), and in Chorus, we are singing O Magnum Mysterium. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn5ken3RJBo ) YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO THAT IF YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS VERSION. It was his favorite piece... everyone was having such a hard time trying not to cry while performing these pieces.
We left his seat empty and sitting there in band.
I just want you all to be safe this holiday season. Don't make stupid decisions and think before you do something. Don't make long trips that you know you can't make after either a long day or alone. Just don't do it.
Scratch that.
Be safe whenever you are driving. I know you can't control the world around you and what happens there, but at least you yourself will be a safe driver.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Haha, I have a blog, don't I?
I keep on neglecting to update my blog.
This is bad. Haha...
I didn't get the amount of artwork I wanted to get done over break. Oh well... I blame Assassin's Creed: Revelations. I bought it, and I had just a few hours to beat it, since my mom was upset that I bought a video game (claimed that I wouldn't "spend time with the family", so I was determined to beat it before the day of Thanksgiving... which did happen.) So many hours spent sitting on a couch, holding a Xbox 360 controller.
Anyways, I'm just going to briefly update this so I can go practice for another 30 minutes on my trombone.
Not like anyone reads this anyways. Ha.
... and I was reminded that I still have a 100 themes list going on. I should probably finish that.
Have I also mentioned how amazing Laser Printer paper is? And cardstock? So amazing. They're so smooth and nice to draw on... Ha. Haha... I'm going insane, I swear. I'm obsessed with paper and pens. Is that a bad thing?
I also managed to forget that I had a CAPS (the therapist) appointment today, and went to go practice instead. Stupid me... (/hits head). Oh well; I didn't get the voice message or phone call until it was too late to go to the appointment, so I sent them an apology email (since the phone number they gave me was incorrect ||D).
In the meantime, I'm going to go practice a little while longer, then go to my 4 PM class, and then... well, draw for a little while. Maybe I'll do some pictures for the 100 themes. I might change Atonement to a written theme though... because I'm having trouble coming up with a single picture idea. (Or perhaps I'll do a one page comic)...
And for those looking forward to the Bionicle Manga being brought back, I haz some questions:
1) I might switch it all to JUST digital. But it will still look like a sketch, maybe... would that be okay?
2) If I changed it to JUST the Beginnings story that I had posted on dA a looong time ago... would you all be upset? I feel odd doing a comic on the existing story line, where as I will have more freedom to move around with the Beginnings, since TECHNICALLY I wrote it, with Bionicle characters in it. =|
3) If you would like to color pages if I decide to do just B&W, would anyone like to color it? I'll give you the account to Tahu_Sensei (he's not a real person XD he was created to bitch at people bitching on my comic page).
I keep on meaning to post the next page for it, I think... I might do a 4-Koma first, and then get back to it. Maybe.
I STILL NEED TO DO PAGES FOR THE OTHER TWO COMICS. AUUUGH. XD
... anyways, back to practicing.
ONWARDS.
This is bad. Haha...
I didn't get the amount of artwork I wanted to get done over break. Oh well... I blame Assassin's Creed: Revelations. I bought it, and I had just a few hours to beat it, since my mom was upset that I bought a video game (claimed that I wouldn't "spend time with the family", so I was determined to beat it before the day of Thanksgiving... which did happen.) So many hours spent sitting on a couch, holding a Xbox 360 controller.
Anyways, I'm just going to briefly update this so I can go practice for another 30 minutes on my trombone.
Not like anyone reads this anyways. Ha.
... and I was reminded that I still have a 100 themes list going on. I should probably finish that.
Have I also mentioned how amazing Laser Printer paper is? And cardstock? So amazing. They're so smooth and nice to draw on... Ha. Haha... I'm going insane, I swear. I'm obsessed with paper and pens. Is that a bad thing?
I also managed to forget that I had a CAPS (the therapist) appointment today, and went to go practice instead. Stupid me... (/hits head). Oh well; I didn't get the voice message or phone call until it was too late to go to the appointment, so I sent them an apology email (since the phone number they gave me was incorrect ||D).
In the meantime, I'm going to go practice a little while longer, then go to my 4 PM class, and then... well, draw for a little while. Maybe I'll do some pictures for the 100 themes. I might change Atonement to a written theme though... because I'm having trouble coming up with a single picture idea. (Or perhaps I'll do a one page comic)...
And for those looking forward to the Bionicle Manga being brought back, I haz some questions:
1) I might switch it all to JUST digital. But it will still look like a sketch, maybe... would that be okay?
2) If I changed it to JUST the Beginnings story that I had posted on dA a looong time ago... would you all be upset? I feel odd doing a comic on the existing story line, where as I will have more freedom to move around with the Beginnings, since TECHNICALLY I wrote it, with Bionicle characters in it. =|
3) If you would like to color pages if I decide to do just B&W, would anyone like to color it? I'll give you the account to Tahu_Sensei (he's not a real person XD he was created to bitch at people bitching on my comic page).
I keep on meaning to post the next page for it, I think... I might do a 4-Koma first, and then get back to it. Maybe.
I STILL NEED TO DO PAGES FOR THE OTHER TWO COMICS. AUUUGH. XD
... anyways, back to practicing.
ONWARDS.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Before I go to bed for the night
I was really exhausted earlier tonight... and I think the caffeine from my coffee at 4 PM kicked in again.
So I have some stories to share, since I don't feel like signing onto Skype at the moment just to share my laughter.
1) How a Text Message can make your night great.
I was sitting on my bed reading a webcomic or something (I forget which), and my roommate had JUST gone to sleep. Usually at night, I turn my phone off silent so I can hear the alarm in the morning; usually people don't send me texts.
So I was relaxing when my phone goes off (quite loudly, mind you... which brings the question: why is the volume on max? >.>). Confused, I look at the text message and it reads... "<333" from one of the trombonists in my studio.
Needless to say, I was completely baffled (for multiple reasons). So I wasn't going to respond, but I figured that he probably sent that text to the wrong person... so I texted him back saying "J*****, you do realize you just sent me a text message with hearts in it... right?"
And I waited.... and for my sake, I will continue posting him as J and write the rest of the conversation in script format:
J: Yes. Yes I am. I'm sucking up to you
Me: ... what.
J: Have you committed your extra grab and go to anyone for tomorrow?
And at that point, I did a major facepalm and just LAUGHED. Grab and Go is a thing that our school does around lunchtime; one of the dining halls (from 10:30-4ish) has a system where students can go into a part of the dining hall to make a bagged lunch and eat anywhere on campus (lunches usually consist of Pizza/Sandwich/Wrap, two containers of Jello/Yogurt/Pudding/Pasta Salad/Couscous/etc, a soup, dessert, piece of fruit, and a drink), and you can grab anything you want and GO. Its a cool thing.
Because I have an unlimited meal plan, I can get two bagged lunches. Usually, before I leave the music school to grab my own lunch, I ask people from my studio if they would like me to grab them some food. It started with one person (who bought me outlining pens as a thank you), and the whole thing has almost spread through the entire studio XD
I've been called the "Mother Theresa of the Trombone Studio", which makes me giggle a bit. The original person who I was doing this for, ending up catching after I got my own lunch, so I gave him my cell number so he could text me in advance when he would like me to get him some food.
So today, I called J because one of my friends needed her car jumped (we got stuck quite a distance away from campus today XD We had something to do for one of our classes), so I guess he remembered that he had my cell number and decided to ask me to get him lunch. XD
So the conversation continues:
Me: Pffft, no not yet. Do you want me to get you lunch tomorrow?
J: <333333
I just found the entire thing hysterical.
Of course, then I remembered AFTER I told him I would get him some food that Grab and Go was closed tomorrow, since Thanksgiving Break starts tomorrow (aka, the Dining Hall workers are going off early).
So I felt bad for like... telling him that.
Its a good thing he laughed it off.
... can you guess why I was so confused by the hearts? (why yes, I did like him at some point. He's a very attractive person, and VERY tall. Its unfortunate that I'm not his type ;^; Oh well. There's other fish in the sea, right? ) I did find the whole thing funny though. I did seriously think though that he texted the wrong person at first XD
2) I nearly lost it in Band the other day.
We're playing this piece in band that has the trombonists (rather, the majority, if not ENTIRETY of the low brass section) sit out in SILENCE for 80 measures of rest in the beginning, and the close to 200 measures of rest RIGHT SMACKDAB in the middle. And guess which sections we were rehearsing? The ones we don't play in. \o/
I nearly went insane during that rehearsal. I was so bored.
So anyways, that's not the story I was going to tell.
There's around... 7 Tenor trombonists and 1 Bass (I'm Sixth chair) in the Symphonic Band. So, the guy who sits 5th Chair wasn't in that rehearsal (I think he was sick, which is unfortunate), so there was an empty seat between myself and the 4th chair. 4th chair dude at some point decided to rest his arm on the empty chair, so his hand was kind of dangling in the air (... that probably made no sense. Pretend you understand). So, 3rd chair starts motioning some sort of.... I don't know, cryptic message to me.
At first, I thought I wasn't the only one losing it.
After about 20 minutes of trying to figure out what he was saying, I figured it out: he was telling me to grab 4th's hand.
Unless he was trying to set us up (which I highly doubt), I kind of gave him the O_o look, and had to try and explain that a) I was a chick and b) 4th is a dude. Girl grabbing guy's hand = unwarranted signals. Besides, it would have been hilarious if 3rd did it, but it would have been just plain awkward for me.
4th is the guy who let me have the solo in one of our pieces for Trombone Troupe the other night, btw. It made me happy. He's a very sweet person (at least, from what I can tell).
3) I'm insane.
I'm taking 18.5 credits for the Spring 2012 semester ||D I have to pay money for that extra .5 credit though... we have a maximum of 18 credits per semester. FML.
Anyways, I got all the classes I wanted, so that's the good news.
Except for that chem class. I'm a little upset by that... oh well.
4) ... there was another story. I got too caught up in the moment about the text message one. XD
W/e.
Off to bed with me! Sleep, how I miss you.
So I have some stories to share, since I don't feel like signing onto Skype at the moment just to share my laughter.
1) How a Text Message can make your night great.
I was sitting on my bed reading a webcomic or something (I forget which), and my roommate had JUST gone to sleep. Usually at night, I turn my phone off silent so I can hear the alarm in the morning; usually people don't send me texts.
So I was relaxing when my phone goes off (quite loudly, mind you... which brings the question: why is the volume on max? >.>). Confused, I look at the text message and it reads... "<333" from one of the trombonists in my studio.
Needless to say, I was completely baffled (for multiple reasons). So I wasn't going to respond, but I figured that he probably sent that text to the wrong person... so I texted him back saying "J*****, you do realize you just sent me a text message with hearts in it... right?"
And I waited.... and for my sake, I will continue posting him as J and write the rest of the conversation in script format:
J: Yes. Yes I am. I'm sucking up to you
Me: ... what.
J: Have you committed your extra grab and go to anyone for tomorrow?
And at that point, I did a major facepalm and just LAUGHED. Grab and Go is a thing that our school does around lunchtime; one of the dining halls (from 10:30-4ish) has a system where students can go into a part of the dining hall to make a bagged lunch and eat anywhere on campus (lunches usually consist of Pizza/Sandwich/Wrap, two containers of Jello/Yogurt/Pudding/Pasta Salad/Couscous/etc, a soup, dessert, piece of fruit, and a drink), and you can grab anything you want and GO. Its a cool thing.
Because I have an unlimited meal plan, I can get two bagged lunches. Usually, before I leave the music school to grab my own lunch, I ask people from my studio if they would like me to grab them some food. It started with one person (who bought me outlining pens as a thank you), and the whole thing has almost spread through the entire studio XD
I've been called the "Mother Theresa of the Trombone Studio", which makes me giggle a bit. The original person who I was doing this for, ending up catching after I got my own lunch, so I gave him my cell number so he could text me in advance when he would like me to get him some food.
So today, I called J because one of my friends needed her car jumped (we got stuck quite a distance away from campus today XD We had something to do for one of our classes), so I guess he remembered that he had my cell number and decided to ask me to get him lunch. XD
So the conversation continues:
Me: Pffft, no not yet. Do you want me to get you lunch tomorrow?
J: <333333
I just found the entire thing hysterical.
Of course, then I remembered AFTER I told him I would get him some food that Grab and Go was closed tomorrow, since Thanksgiving Break starts tomorrow (aka, the Dining Hall workers are going off early).
So I felt bad for like... telling him that.
Its a good thing he laughed it off.
... can you guess why I was so confused by the hearts? (why yes, I did like him at some point. He's a very attractive person, and VERY tall. Its unfortunate that I'm not his type ;^; Oh well. There's other fish in the sea, right? ) I did find the whole thing funny though. I did seriously think though that he texted the wrong person at first XD
2) I nearly lost it in Band the other day.
We're playing this piece in band that has the trombonists (rather, the majority, if not ENTIRETY of the low brass section) sit out in SILENCE for 80 measures of rest in the beginning, and the close to 200 measures of rest RIGHT SMACKDAB in the middle. And guess which sections we were rehearsing? The ones we don't play in. \o/
I nearly went insane during that rehearsal. I was so bored.
So anyways, that's not the story I was going to tell.
There's around... 7 Tenor trombonists and 1 Bass (I'm Sixth chair) in the Symphonic Band. So, the guy who sits 5th Chair wasn't in that rehearsal (I think he was sick, which is unfortunate), so there was an empty seat between myself and the 4th chair. 4th chair dude at some point decided to rest his arm on the empty chair, so his hand was kind of dangling in the air (... that probably made no sense. Pretend you understand). So, 3rd chair starts motioning some sort of.... I don't know, cryptic message to me.
At first, I thought I wasn't the only one losing it.
After about 20 minutes of trying to figure out what he was saying, I figured it out: he was telling me to grab 4th's hand.
Unless he was trying to set us up (which I highly doubt), I kind of gave him the O_o look, and had to try and explain that a) I was a chick and b) 4th is a dude. Girl grabbing guy's hand = unwarranted signals. Besides, it would have been hilarious if 3rd did it, but it would have been just plain awkward for me.
4th is the guy who let me have the solo in one of our pieces for Trombone Troupe the other night, btw. It made me happy. He's a very sweet person (at least, from what I can tell).
3) I'm insane.
I'm taking 18.5 credits for the Spring 2012 semester ||D I have to pay money for that extra .5 credit though... we have a maximum of 18 credits per semester. FML.
Anyways, I got all the classes I wanted, so that's the good news.
Except for that chem class. I'm a little upset by that... oh well.
4) ... there was another story. I got too caught up in the moment about the text message one. XD
W/e.
Off to bed with me! Sleep, how I miss you.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Breaaaaak
Just two more days DX
And within that time, I have another paper to write and a hearing on friday. Which hopefully I can get the two-on-three rhythmic pattern down in time... and the 10/8 rhythm....
And then its break! \o/
I shall get lots of pictures done, which will be nice... I haven't drawn in like, a couple of days, so I'm excited...
anyways, I need to write a paper that's due tomorrow. I haven't even started it yet (nor have I finished the book... who gives fucking book reports in college? Really?)
Let the B.Sing of papers commence!
And within that time, I have another paper to write and a hearing on friday. Which hopefully I can get the two-on-three rhythmic pattern down in time... and the 10/8 rhythm....
And then its break! \o/
I shall get lots of pictures done, which will be nice... I haven't drawn in like, a couple of days, so I'm excited...
anyways, I need to write a paper that's due tomorrow. I haven't even started it yet (nor have I finished the book... who gives fucking book reports in college? Really?)
Let the B.Sing of papers commence!
Monday, November 7, 2011
This is what happens when I'm writing a term paper.
I've decided to try and push the entire thing with that boy away.
I can't be bothered by something like that right now... I really can't.
As much as I like him, I don't want to step on any toes. I don't want to pull him aside and tell him to stop talking to me, because I get the feeling he'll tell me that its just who he is: touchy-feely and just very friendly.
So I'm not going to think about it too much and move on with my life. Eventually something will happen.
... ugh, hold on, a song came up on my pandora that I detest...
Well, I'm not a big fan of Adele, but this'll do (considering it's titled "Someone Like You"... ha, funny how it fits, right?).
As I'm writing this, I have a newfound love for my character Lance again... he was, really, the first original character that was pretty damn good looking. And yet, despite his looks, he's seemed to have troubles with love and stuff like that. He's had a bunch of girlfriends in the past, but they all used him just to get what they want, and then they leave him behind. When he thought he found the one, she turned away and went to marry the man of her dreams, and his current love disappeared.
So to an extent, I kind of identify myself with him... I dunno why. Just with the way I feel towards romance at the moment. I'm not against it, I'm totally open to it, and I fall for practically anything... but something always turns me away. Doesn't matter if its rejection or if he has a girlfriend or whatnot.
So, tl;dr?
I'm trying to get over the guy in the post prior to this.
So, onto the why.
Because he has a girlfriend. I did (and this is going to sound so bad) some facebook stalking to see how long he and his girlfriend have been together, and its been over 2 years. So me being me, I feel bad for liking a guy who has been in a relationship that has not only lasted that long, but is a long-distance one at that. Not to mention that she posts on his wall every five minutes (not literally). In the end, it seems unlikely that they will break up (not that I was hoping for it to happen). And deep inside, its rather cute to see that a relationship is flourishing even though they're miles and hours apart.
In the long run, it really doesn't matter much. I should stop worrying about that and just... move on.
I have a term paper about Tchaikovsky to finish. However, it doesn't help the fact that all my sources mention that he's gay and his love life completely sucked.
I'm tired... I should like, finish doing what I'm doing and go to bed, and write what I can tomorrow during my breaks.
Le sigh.
I can't be bothered by something like that right now... I really can't.
As much as I like him, I don't want to step on any toes. I don't want to pull him aside and tell him to stop talking to me, because I get the feeling he'll tell me that its just who he is: touchy-feely and just very friendly.
So I'm not going to think about it too much and move on with my life. Eventually something will happen.
... ugh, hold on, a song came up on my pandora that I detest...
Well, I'm not a big fan of Adele, but this'll do (considering it's titled "Someone Like You"... ha, funny how it fits, right?).
As I'm writing this, I have a newfound love for my character Lance again... he was, really, the first original character that was pretty damn good looking. And yet, despite his looks, he's seemed to have troubles with love and stuff like that. He's had a bunch of girlfriends in the past, but they all used him just to get what they want, and then they leave him behind. When he thought he found the one, she turned away and went to marry the man of her dreams, and his current love disappeared.
So to an extent, I kind of identify myself with him... I dunno why. Just with the way I feel towards romance at the moment. I'm not against it, I'm totally open to it, and I fall for practically anything... but something always turns me away. Doesn't matter if its rejection or if he has a girlfriend or whatnot.
So, tl;dr?
I'm trying to get over the guy in the post prior to this.
So, onto the why.
Because he has a girlfriend. I did (and this is going to sound so bad) some facebook stalking to see how long he and his girlfriend have been together, and its been over 2 years. So me being me, I feel bad for liking a guy who has been in a relationship that has not only lasted that long, but is a long-distance one at that. Not to mention that she posts on his wall every five minutes (not literally). In the end, it seems unlikely that they will break up (not that I was hoping for it to happen). And deep inside, its rather cute to see that a relationship is flourishing even though they're miles and hours apart.
In the long run, it really doesn't matter much. I should stop worrying about that and just... move on.
I have a term paper about Tchaikovsky to finish. However, it doesn't help the fact that all my sources mention that he's gay and his love life completely sucked.
I'm tired... I should like, finish doing what I'm doing and go to bed, and write what I can tomorrow during my breaks.
Le sigh.
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